The Suspense is Killing Me

Canada Day Weekend

2006-07-06T16:30:00.000-04:00

Went camping for the first time in over 20 years last weekend.

For the most part, it was fun.

Didn't pee in the tent this time.

Throw This Away

2006-06-21T22:35:00.000-04:00

I want you to break me.

Now Show Me On The Doll Where The Bad Man Touched You

2006-06-09T17:51:00.000-04:00

Two photos from a night a few weeks ago when they closed down my street for fear of a train car chemical leak. Keep in mind I was drunk when these photos were taken.

Also added some more links today; three cool online radio stations GBS-FM, Radio Clambake and WFMU, Sandra's new blog and finally The Last Angry Young Man (which I will be making a writeup on very soon).

That is all for now.

Chicken Kiev

2006-06-01T00:53:00.000-04:00

While I think of something else to post on here, please enjoy these pictures of one of my favourate meals; Chicken Kiev.

Hungry, hungry.

The Beat Goes On

2006-05-20T17:15:00.000-04:00

Check out the very very new Goons With Spoons. Seriously, this site went live only a few days ago and is quickly growing in good content. GWS is a project created by fellow goon "Toast" and all recipes are provided by the food lovers of the Somethingawful forums, so props to "Toast" and all food goons out there for this cool project. Gotta love the new wiki approach of Goons With Spoons!

Also, go and dig Crash Test Kitchen, a video blog run by two Australians that live in England and love Canada and eat lamb and sausages pretty much constantly. They make yummy things and like to show them to people.

(I would have added images to this post, but something bad is happening to images on the innernet webs right now and things must stay calm and relaxed until this crisis of terror passes over our innocent God fearing souls. I blame Islam for this problem to be perfectly honest with you. Who else would hate my freedom? Islam, that's who.)

East Thames Walk

2006-05-05T22:47:00.000-04:00

Walked pretty much the same distance as I did on the Highbury walk but didn’t suffer the bad foot sprain afterwards. This is a good sign. Also, this one took me over an hour longer to walk, even though it was a kilometer less. This means it was a better walk.

The path that follows the Thames between Oxford st and the forks is infested with bikers, rollerbladers and at times is as busy as a downtown sidewalk. I assume it’s like this all the way up to Western and it's really annoying. Not really an enjoyable walk and I will avoid this area as best I can from now on.

The walk got good around the Watson Park area, having to trespass on hospital grounds to stay as close to the river as I could and seeing river valleys I couldn't get to and stuff.

The trail got “weird”, so I had to cross a train bridge to the other side of the river. I am normally not afraid of heights but in certain situations, like crossing a train bridge with Canada geese below me hissing at like snakes and trying to watch for approaching trains, I totally am scared of heights.

Finally, I saw and photographed a fox. I think this is a pretty rare thing considering I was within city limits and foxes are known to want absolutely nothing at all to do with humans. Mr. Fox was pretty nervous, but it posed for me a few times. He was eating something he just caught, probably a squirrel or bird between Adelaide and Eggerton; a small piece of wilderness owned and operated by Mr. Fox, at least for now.

Legs and feet were tired, but not as bad as last time. Good walk.

Possibly the Greatest Picture on all of the Internets

2006-04-26T18:33:00.000-04:00

Click for bigger.

Highbury Walk

2006-04-24T16:36:00.000-04:00

This hike didn’t work out very well. The plan was to follow the Thames all the way to Adelaide st., through what remains of the wilderness of my childhood. I got deep into the woods along the Thames River and had to walk all the way back due to the bridge being suddenly non-existent in front of me. Mental note: when you see a sign that says “sidewalk closed”, heed it well, for signs do not lie.

I started this walk at 7am sharp and ended it at close to 9:30am. There was a stop at the McDonald’s for about 20 minutes just after the ½ way point.

My left foot was so seized up after I had woken up for a nap afterwards it felt like it was broken. It took almost a full week for it to get back to normal. I gotta keep walking to get my body in shape if I am going to walk farther than this. Having said that though, I am quite impressed with myself for walking so far in such a short amount of time. I had to double check the distance to make sure it was correct.

More walks to come. Destination unknown.

(Map made with this very cool Google Maps mod: The Gmaps Pedometer)

Midwich Elementary vs. Alma College

2006-04-23T21:32:00.000-04:00

What makes a good spooky movie a whole lot better?

Well, when you can not only relate to the character and love the story, but you can also envision yourself in the environment that she’s in because you were once in a very similar place:

Alma College, St. Thomas, Ontario

Midwich Elementary School, Silent Hill, West Virginia

Alma College, St. Thomas, Ontario

Midwich Elementary School, Silent Hill, West Virginia

Alma College, St. Thomas, Ontario

Midwich Elementary School, Silent Hill, West Virginia

Seriously, there were multiple times in the movie where I thought to myself "Holy shit! That looks exactly like Alma College!". It made the movie experience just a little bit more awesome.

Silent Hill is the coolest!

(I know, shitty screencaps from the movie... what do you expect from a guy taping it from the screen with a camcorder?)

Robot Chicken

2006-04-21T17:44:00.000-04:00

Watched the first 3 episodes of the second season of Robot Chicken lastnight and I gotta tell you, it's funny as hell! They show about 40 short skits in the span of 11 minutes; it's total short-attention span theater, but I like it.

My kind of comedy.

Bab's Uvula Who?

2006-04-19T16:54:00.000-04:00

Updated linklist and title out of sheer boredom yesterday. Title looks better now. Still not sure about the different categories of links I made though. Seems a little too much, now that I look at it, but as I said; bored.

Made this Green Day pic from screenshots from their "Bullet in a Bible" concert DVD. I post it and mention them and their DVD (and their names; Billy Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt and Tre Cool) in hopes of getting less depressing search results than I have been getting recently. I mean jeez, you post one thing making fun of scat porn fetishists and you are condemned to get hits for that seach and for that search alone for the entire duration of the lifespan of the internets.

Okay, maybe it was two things I posted about scat porn, but I didn't mean to... Shut up!

Whatever happened to people searching for "men and women making love"? Why must we resort to the extreme when it comes to carnality?

Hey, how about this:

"Mutated Shetland pony with shitting dicknipple exclusive orgy pic and movie download fantastic action adventure time show: Part 48!!!"

Lowtax was right; the internet makes you stupid.

I Don't Want To Do Your Sleepwalk Dance Anymore

2006-04-18T13:31:00.000-04:00

I will try to shake away this disease.

I just want to find some place to be alone.

Sunday

2006-03-19T19:49:00.000-05:00

As always when I find myself on the brink of total collapse of everything I cherish and desire, I went for a walk back to my old neighborhood.

It’s windy and cold today. It’s a better off staying in bed under the covers and reading day is what today is. Almost Spring according to the calendar, but a minute away from snowing according to the clouds and temperature. I walked and smoked. I was random and that is how I wanted it today. I noticed a person waiting at a bus stop ahead of me and remembered that I had one last ticket in my wallet. It symbolized a responsible way of saving money to and from a job that no longer existed and so I decided to use it up on this used up day and turned around and walked back 100 feet and took up claim on my own personal bus stop. My own bus stop. I paced back and forth and waited 30 minutes for the bus to finally come.

After a five minute ride, I was at my transfer point and I got off and found my new stop, leaned against a telephone pole covered in twenty thousand rusted staples and waited again. The staples dug into my back and I let them. I had company at the stop this time; two people, strangers, both of them wearing their own private problems they would rather forget on shitty, cold days like this and ear bud headphones to block out everything else. We three silently agreed to ignore each other and I waited and smoked again.

The wind gusts were making the telephone pole shake against me and I started to question myself; “What the hell am I doing? This trip is pointless.” I had done a similar journey back to where I grew up years ago and it was disappointing and stupid. Back then, I was drunk and it was two in the morning. This time, it was early Sunday afternoon and it was cold and I was miserable. “I should just go back home and forget this thing”. I waited and smoked for 30 minutes for the transfer to arrive, which it did finally.

10 minutes later, I got off in my old neighborhood, changed but still the same frame. To the north of me was the river and the oh so close by woods, the wonderful woods were I forgot who I was so many hours on so many weekends oh so long ago. It was too cold to visit them and I honestly was in no mood to wander the woods alone today. I walked to the apartments.

In the parking lot, a man was in his car cleaning it with a vacuum, bright yellow cord running along the pavement from his car back to his home. Some kind of familiar Muslim music was playing inside the car as he worked. All Muslim music is familiar. There was a girls soccer team practicing in the field I used to cross to get to school. I considered watching them practice, but didn’t want to look like a pervert which I would have looked like because that is would I would have been.

“They” had replaced the doors to the place I used to live with a metal plate of shining steel that I can’t bring myself to call a door. It had a panel with buzzers for the apartments which had never been there before and it resembled the front of a walk-in freezer or gas chamber. Big bolts drilled into the concrete held this gateway secure and in place for now and forever, as if to give the impression that what you were entering was not a group of homes and families but prisoners and beyond was not meant to be seen by the general public. It disturbed me. I looked up to the third floor where I used to live and saw my old bedroom and kitchen. I saw no one in the windows and was glad I didn’t. The blinds covering the view of the insides were ripped, bent and dirty, full of ignorance and advertising the weariness that comes from living in such a place so obviously. It was time to go. I no longer belonged there and every step I took was another memory that made me feel like I was a ghost, haunting my own memories of the past and making them worse somehow. People were looking at me like I didn’t belong there and they were right.

I went to a restaurant and ate a lunch that I couldn’t afford. I noticed the debit machines are getting faster and faster to process these days as I paid for it and I got extra butter for my baked potato. I took a seat next to a window so I could watch the traffic and people and immediately regretted my choice of seat. Across the aisle from me was a family and they were talking things over while they ate. Mom and Dad were interrogating their daughter with quiet, prying questions that were worded just so as to not be blatant accusations of incompetence, but as just being conversational about the future, that is all, nothing more. I did my best to avoid understanding what they were talking about and finished my meal. I went to my third bus stop of the day and I smoked. I waited 30 minutes with three other strangers in the shelter and finally the bus came. 10 minutes later, I cross the road I was at only a little while ago and I take up shop and bus stop number 4 and begin to wait again.

A very skinny woman with the dumbest hairdo I have ever seen is with me sharing this bus shelter. She has two shopping bags with her and they are filled with bouquets of small yellow and blue plastic flowers, colourful construction paper, ribbons, scissors and other unidentified things that I am sure would fit perfectly along with these things. I dig her and imagine she is headed off somewhere today, possibly to her sister’s home to make Easter and Springtime decorations and crafts and, for one day, be the fun Aunt with her sister’s young children, both girls and both as cute as roses. As we wait, she gets a call on her cel phone and promises that she is still on her way and won’t be too much longer. She was still on the bus when I reached my destination.

The skinny woman with the flowers examined the bus schedule, then her wristwatch and then promptly left to the comfort and warmness of the coffee shop nearby. Not a good sign. I had purposefully removed my wristwatch before heading out, so the schedule was no use to me. I then was alone for a time in my own bus shelter. A different woman arrived. She looked familiar, even though I had never seen her before. She was not a skinny woman, but not what decent, right thinking society would call fat. She sat down and waited for the bus and ate what might have been the most delicious looking cheese croissant I have ever seen in front of me. She had amazing eyes. Brown and plain, but bright and alive and I stole looks at her. She commented on the lateness of the bus to me and I quickly responded in a friendly manner and then so did she. Then silence between us for 20 more minutes until the bus finally came and picked us up.

Back On the 'Zac

2006-03-14T13:14:00.000-05:00

I just spent 7 days pretty much lying in bed alone, sleeping for 14 hours a night, doing nothing at all but hiding... I decided it was time to get back on the pill.

So, I started taking Prozac again yesterday. 20mgs, which is the smallest dosage. Thank god as well it’s the smallest dosage because I can feel the side effects immediately.

I feel drugged up. It’s hard to explain except for just that; "I feel drugged up"... It kind of feels like a hangover without the sickness and headache.

And now we wait. The suspense is killing me indeed.

Hero Cat

2006-03-10T17:14:00.000-05:00

It's Hero Cat!

133t5p33k 5x1llz: A Parents Guide

2006-01-28T19:55:00.000-05:00

While it's important to respect your children's privacy, understanding what your teenager's online slang means and how to decipher it could be important in certain situations and as you help guide their online experience. While it has many nicknames, information-age slang is commonly referred to as leetspeek, or leet for short. Leet (a vernacular form of "elite") is a specific type of computer slang where a user replaces regular letters with other keyboard characters to form words phonetically - creating the digital equivalent of Pig Latin with a twist of hieroglyphics.

Leet words can be expressed in hundreds of ways using different substitutions and combinations, but once one understands that nearly all characters are formed as phonemes and symbols, leetspeek isn't difficult to translate. Also, because leet is not a formal or regional dialect, any given word can be interpreted differently, so it's important to use discretion when evaluating terms. The following serves as a brief (and by no means definitive) introduction to leet through examples.

Key points -

- Numbers are often used as letters. The term "leet" could be written as "1337," with "1" replacing the letter L, "3" posing as a backwards letter E, and "7" resembling the letter T. Others include "8" replacing the letter B, "9" used as a G, "0" (zero) in lieu of O, and so on.

- Non-alphabet characters can be used to replace the letters they resemble. For example, "5" or even "$" can replace the letter S. Applying this style, the word "leetspeek" can be written as "133t5p33k" or even "!337$p34k," with "4" replacing the letter A.

- Letters can be substituted for other letters that may sound alike. Using "Z" for a final letter S, and "X" for words ending in the letters C or K is common. For example, leetspeekers might refer to their computer "5x1llz" (skills).

- Rules of grammar are rarely obeyed. Some leetspeekers will capitalize every letter except for vowels (LiKe THiS) and otherwise reject conventional English style and grammar, or drop vowels from words (such as converting very to "vry").

- Mistakes are often left uncorrected. Common typing misspellings (typos) such as "teh" instead of the are left uncorrected or sometimes adopted to replace the correct spelling.

- Non-alphanumeric characters may be combined to form letters. For example, using slashes to create "/\/\" can substitute for the letter M, and two pipes combined with a hyphen to form "|-|" is often used in place of the letter H. Thus, the word ham could be written as "|-|4/\/\."

- The suffix "0rz" is often appended to words for emphasis or to make them plural. For example, "h4xx0rz," "sk1llz0rz," and "pwnz0rz," are plural or emphasized versions (or both) of hacks, skills, and owns.

It's important to remember that the leetspeek community encourages new forms and awards individual creativity, resulting in a dynamic written language that eludes conformity or consistency. However, there are a few standard terms. The following is a sample of key words that haven't changed fundamentally (although variations occur) since the invention of leetspeek. The first series is of particular concern, as their use could be an indicator that your teenager is involved in the theft of intellectual property, particularly licensed software.

Leet words of concern or indicating possible illegal activity:

- "warez" or "w4r3z": Illegally copied software available for download.
- "h4x": Read as "hacks," or what a malicious computer hacker does.
- "pr0n": An anagram of "porn," possibly indicating the use of pornography.
- "sploitz" (short for exploits): Vulnerabilities in computer software used by hackers.
- "pwn": A typo-deliberate version of own, a slang term often used to express superiority over others that can be used maliciously, depending on the situation. This could also be spelled "0\/\/n3d" or "pwn3d," among other variations. Online video game bullies or "griefers" often use this term.

Other common leet words:

- "kewl": A common derivation of "cool."
- "m4d sk1llz" or "mad skills": Refers to one's own talent. "m4d" itself is often used for emphasis.
- "n00b," "noob," "newbie," or "newb": Combinations synonymous with new user. Some leetspeekers view "n00b" as an insult and "newbie" as an affectionate term for new users.
- "w00t" or the smiley character \o/: An acronym that usually means "We Own the Other Team," used to celebrate victory in a video game.
- "roxx0rs": Used in place of "rocks," typically to describe something impressive.
- "d00d": Replaces the greeting or addressing someone as a "dude."
- "joo" and "u": Used instead of "you." This is also commonly written as "j00" or "_|00."
- "ph": often replaces "f," as in "phear" for "fear" (as in "ph34r my l33t skillz") and vice versa, such as spelling "phonetic" as "f0|\|371(."

Original Microsoft article where I got this unententional piece of comedy is located here.

My First Baby

2006-01-22T16:28:00.000-05:00

I just got back from a full day of attempting to take photos. I took a total of two, both of them being the same subject but from different angles. That sucks!

I just can't see them anymore! When you as a photographer are able to actually SEE a photograph in your head, actually SEE it with all your imagination, seconds or even weeks before you actually snap the picuture and then have that in a hard copy, shit it's amazing and the only reason why I pick up a camera. That imagination come to life and free to share it with others. It's wonderful.

Iv'e lost that somehow. It's like I am seeing the same things I have already taken everywhere.

I gotta start looking into pointing my camrea in other directions I guess. Alleyways and dirty brick shots have been done, and done well. Move on.

Offical Silent Hill Trailer is Up

2006-01-20T19:04:00.000-05:00

I have been excited about this movie ever since it was announced. I saw the teaser a month or so back and it looked amazing. The photos looked even better. Finally the offical first trailer is out and I must say, it better be as good as it looks or I am going to murder some random living thing in some kind of heinous way.

Catch the trailer here (this is a weblink to Yahoo!)

Hot Or Not

2006-01-18T18:53:00.000-05:00

"Hot or Not" is a sad, pitiful mockery of it's former sad, pitiful self; only a lot worse and more sad and pitiful.

Robert Tries to Cross the Road

2006-01-15T19:26:00.000-05:00

The night was moist… Bob sat upon the curb like a dead pigeon, his mind in another world as he became hypnotized by the rolling spinners of the macked out Mustangs and Civics rolling by. “What rich lives they must live, those mack daddy’s.” he thought to himself. His eyes looked off to nowhere as he waited for the light to change.

“I wish there were a place I could go in the world where people could understand me.” he thinks to himself as he starts moving across the road as the light finally changed. His time was short on this part of 77^th Street and he knew it. He would never win a race without the lower half of his body, but if he could just get across a damn road without the light turning red on him two thirds of the way there he would be a happy partal-man.

Bob lost the lower half of his body in a heinous farm accident during a school field trip to a farm. It was a brand new industrial roto tiller that took his lower body, so it was. After it took half of Bob away, the owner of the tiller, one Reginald Mawfrey, never used the tiller again for fear of evil spirits inhabiting said tiller.

Half way across the street, Bob dragged his legless partial-self as best he could with the short, tiny stumps where his arms used to be through the slime and dirt of 77^th street. Then the light turned red. “Get off the damn road, ya friggin stump!” a motorist in a Mazda RX8 said through the din of his three thousand dollar car stereo system.

“Give me a minute, please sir…” Bob said as he did his best to get away from the Mazda and it’s loud and angry master. He continued to struggle along the road, now beginning to worry about the very real possibility of being unnoticed and being run over. A partial-man lying on the road was not as easy to notice as a full man, for reasons that of course should be obvious.

Throughout his 10 years of being a partial-man, Bob had tried many devices to replace his missing bits, most importantly is his legs. Bob missed his legs so very much. When he was younger, Bob used to win every race because Bob used to be a fast runner and loved to run everywhere. “That boy is a runnin’ fool!” the elderly used to remark to each other as Bob would speed past the barber shop on Sunday mornings on his way to some innocent childish adventure. But then Bob met that roto tiller, he knew that he would never win another race again. Because he had no legs and people without legs can’t run.

Then came the invention of the motorized cart. Usually only old people and fat people and lazy people on workers compensation were allowed to use them, but Bob was able to get one. That motorized cart was very influential in the life of Bob, for two very specific reasons; 1: not only was he able to finally go fast again across sidewalks and wilderness trails with the wind in his hair again, finally bringing joy and happiness to his life again, but 2: it was also it was responsible for the loss of Bob’s arms in another tragic and heinous accident involving a telephone pole, an elderly woman, a telephone, and a really steep hill. After the accident and the loss of Bob’s arms, Bob would never use a motorized cart again. He hated even the sight of them in fact. Plus he would not have been able to steer the thing anyway, what with having no arms or legs and all.

Wheelchairs? Fuck that. The Steven Hawking 2000? No, Bob couldn’t afford such a sweet ride as that. Fate had dealt out wriggling on the ground for Bob and so that was how Bob moved from place to place. By wriggling on the ground back and forth, like a worm. Or, more accurately, like a man with no arms or legs.

Death came slowly for Bob when the car struck his pathetic, limbless stump of a body. The agony in his chest was sublime and rending throughout his entire remainder of his body.

Then, Bob died.

Taiwan Breeds Pigs That Glow Green (finally!)

2006-01-12T20:09:00.000-05:00

They claim that while other researchers have bred partly fluorescent pigs, theirs are the only pigs in the world which are green through and through.

The pigs are transgenic, created by adding genetic material from jellyfish into a normal pig embryo. The researchers hope the pigs will boost the island's stem cell research, as well as helping with the study of human disease.

The researchers, from National Taiwan University's Department of Animal Science and Technology, say that although the pigs glow, they are otherwise no different from any others.

Taiwan is not claiming a world first. Others have bred partially fluorescent pigs before. But the researchers insist the three pigs they have produced are better. They are the only ones that are green from the inside out. Even their heart and internal organs are green, they say.

To create them, DNA from jellyfish was added to about 265 pig embryos which were implanted in eight different pigs. Four of the pigs became pregnant and three male piglets were born three months ago.

In daylight the researchers say the pigs' eyes, teeth and trotters look green. Their skin has a greenish tinge. In the dark, shine a blue light on them and they glow torch-light bright. The scientists will use the transgenic pigs to study human disease. Because the pig's genetic material is green, it is easy to spot. So if, for instance, some of its stem cells are injected into another animal, scientists can track how they develop without the need for a biopsy or invasive test.

But creating them has not been easy. Many of the altered embryos failed to develop.

The researchers say they hope the new, green pigs will mate with ordinary female pigs to create a new generation - much greater numbers of transgenic pigs for use in research.

(Original news link is here. Thanks BBC News)

After reading this, I have just one question; What the fuck!!??

Cat called 911 to help ill owner, police say

2006-01-03T18:10:00.000-05:00

COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Police aren't sure how else to explain it.

But when an officer walked into an apartment Thursday night to answer a 911 call, an orange-and-tan striped cat was lying by a telephone on the living room floor. The cat's owner, Gary Rosheisen, was on the ground near his bed having fallen out of his wheelchair.

Rosheisen said his cat, Tommy, must have hit the right buttons to call 911.

"I know it sounds kind of weird," Officer Patrick Daugherty said, unsuccessfully searching for some other explanation.

Rosheisen said he couldn't get up because of pain from osteoporosis and ministrokes that disrupt his balance. He also wasn't wearing his medical-alert necklace and couldn't reach a cord above his pillow that alerts paramedics that he needs help.

Daugherty said police received a 911 call from Rosheisen's apartment, but there was no one on the phone. Police called back to make sure everything was OK, and when no one answered, they decided to check things out.

That's when Daugherty found Tommy next to the phone.

Rosheisen got the cat three years ago to help lower his blood pressure. He tried to train him to call 911, unsure if the training ever stuck.

The phone in the living room is always on the floor, and there are 12 small buttons — including a speed dial for 911 right above the button for the speaker phone.

"He's my hero," Rosheisen said.

Link to story (USA Today, which always publishes the important news)

What kind of person do you have to be to spend the huge amount of time it would take to train a cat to make a friggin' phonecall?! One that is alive and at every whim of his feline master from now on, that's who. I guess we know who is in charge of that household from now on.

Merry New Year

2005-12-31T23:51:00.000-05:00

2006.. Whoo whee.

Whoo Haw. I am celebrating. I may even go Who Way Whaa if I get totally into this wonderful moment.

Fuck this... Time to go to sleep.

Charlie Brown

2005-12-05T21:46:00.000-05:00

The Potty Elmo

2005-12-03T14:57:00.000-05:00

The "Potty Elmo" must be taken off the shelves now!

Okay so, the big news bit of the day today is the people behind Sesame Street and the lucrative franchise of the plush puppet known as "Elmo" that appears on aforementioned street every now and then is in some serious trouble for putting out an Elmo doll for children showing him sitting on a toilet and attempting to take a shit while he also seems (see picture provided) to sing the praises of how wonderful this experience is to the youth of our society at the same time! Many popular and inbred Christian congregations in Kansas were said to have burned Elmo in effigy and pretty much all children’s toys on the assumption that Satan had in fact finally arisen once again in the form of a fucking shitting plush doll!

This kind of so called "toy" for our youth is obviously a quick gateway into not only enjoying the act of taking a shit, but in their adulthood they will be much more prone to the homosexual society of scat porn fetishists that take sexual pleasure in not only shitting, but also shitting on the chest of their gay lovers and even more disgusting gay things that involve shit and homosexuality and men gently touching other men’s buttocks and stuff... It’s blasphemous, this blatant sexual statement by Sesame Street I tell you!

Sesame Street has a retarded puppet because it’s okay if you are retarded. They have a puppet in a wheelchair because it’s okay if you are in a wheelchair. They even teach children that it’s okay to have a freakishly mis-shapen head and only one eyebrow. Seasame Street has gone way too far telling kids that it’s okay to get sexual pleasure from shitting. Why are you trying to turn Elmo into a flaming gay sexual demon shit fetishist?! I weep at the thought of my little daughter growing up with this kind of thoughts in her head, thinking about Elmo, her favorite doll when she was a child while she is sucking the asshole of a porn star in the back of a van for 50 bucks.

The Potty Elmo must be stopped before yet another shit loving idiot with no morals gets elected into the White House!

This post was brought to you by the letter "P", the letter "O", another letter "O" and finally another letter "P".

You Can't Possibly Wait to See What Happens Next

2005-11-27T23:47:00.000-05:00

It is a mystery. Mystery!

Fully Equipped With Fire and Music

2005-11-27T17:08:00.000-05:00

Got drunk lastnight and pulled my new blog title out of my ass. It really came out well I think.

Also added Veritable Young Fogey's blog to my links because that is the right thing to do and seriously, don't we need more "right things" in these uncertain and confusing times?

Koan

2005-11-26T22:10:00.000-05:00

When was the last time you felt like yourself?

Black Friday

2005-11-25T17:41:00.000-05:00

I just made this picture. I think it was an excercise in attempting to forget everything.

You think this is too emo? I don't care. It's Black Friday and it's on me.

The Sunday Post of no Point Whatsoever

2005-11-06T18:09:00.000-05:00

"Limited or no connectivity"

Tony Bower

Photo Prints For Sale

2005-11-03T12:13:00.000-05:00

Tony Bower

With all my expenses in these last few months of 2005, I have decided to attempt to sell some of my photos to anyone that’s interested. With student loans, collection agency, rent, drug prescription and a job that doesn’t even come close to paying for it all I am now officially a starving artist! Something to be proud of I guess.

Anyway, whoever you are that’s reading this, thanks for reading this! Also, click here to see most of my photos that are available. You can see a few different older ones here as well. This blog you are reading also has a few photos that are available as well. Wow, I really should get them all in one place, shouldn't I?

Each photo is only web quality as of now. Your requested photo will be rescanned at the highest photo quality available and printed and also signed. I can also personalize the signature if you like. I will cover the cost of the developing process and also shipping as well.

I am asking $50.00 Canadian for each 8x10 print. If you would like a larger print, let me know and I can make arrangements.

Contact me at this e-mail address if you have any interest in any of my photos. It would be much appreciated.

Tony Bower

Woodholme

2005-10-30T21:32:00.000-05:00

Here’s some pictures from a cool house in London Ontario known as Woodholme. I mention this house known as Woodholme a few times in this post in hopes of getting picked up on search engines. Why? Because before this post, actual photographs of Woodholme were unavailable to be seen by anyone on search engines... This is a damn shame because the house is very cool looking. Oh, and by the way it’s known as “Woodholme”. That’s Woodholme! Starts with a “W” and ends with a “oodholme”!

On a side note, Urbex London was a good idea, but I know now in retrospect that the planning was way too complicated to actually work as an actual blog… So, it has gone the way of many other crazy ideas that I have had, sadly. However, I am confident that something else will grow from it’s decrepit and pitiful remains… “Time will tell.”, so says the clockmaker.

It's Sunday evening! Set your clock back one hour already, you fucking idiot!

The Parents Television Council Can Eat My Ass With a Spoon

2005-10-23T16:59:00.000-04:00

(lol disclaimer lol); I hate 90% of the media, almost all of the FOX network and also waterfalls. I honestly don’t mean to offend any parent out there that might read this except if you are one of those parents that treat your kids like they are the cause of all of your problems. If you are one of those parents, you suck and I hate you.

(This monster truck is soooooo cool! It says "What would Jesus CRUSH?" on the front! Wow!)

I read this article of the CNN Website of Doom last week [WEBLINK!]. I was going to just paste the article here like I normally do, but I wanted to help out cnn.com by adding a few links to it's site and hopefully giving it a bit of traffic from my site. It’s a pretty good news site and you should click the above link and show your support so it stays up and running... K, done reading the article? Good. Let us continue.

First of all, did you know there was a The Parents Television Council? If you answered yes, you are totally lying. It’s basically a group of Christian fundamentalists that decided to gain a bit of credibility by calling themselves something other than “Christian fundamentalists”. So, instead of making a public mockery of themselves and their religion by waving enormous brass crosses and screaming at gay people, they decided to call themselves The Parents Television Council in hopes of maybe fooling two or three people into thinking they know what the hell they are talking about.

Recently, this “Council” decided to tell the parents of the world what was “good” to let their children to watch on TV and what was “bad”. Now, this is normal these days and I don’t really have a huge problem with this. People giving detailed instructions on how to behave in society is sadly a regular thing in the media these days. It’s worthless crap most of the time and pretty easy to ignore. Now, what I do have a problem with is The Parents Television Council. Yes, The Parents Television Council. Why you ask? Check this quote out by Brent Bozell, which I think is the divinely appointed Pope of this council or something:

"Families should not be deceived. The top three worst shows all contain crude and raunchy dialogue with sex-themed jokes and foul language. Even worse is the fact that Hollywood is peddling its filth to families with cartoons."

What he’s babbling about is the top three shows on the list: “The War at Home”, “The Family Guy” and “American Dad”, all of which are on the FOX network.

Go fuck yourself Parents Television Council. You think that families are being “deceived” by these shows because the shows are cartoons? How stupid do you think we are? It only took me 5 seconds of watching my first Family Guy episode to understand two things: that it was targeted to idiot stoners like myself and that it was fucking hilarious. Oh and hey, Pope Brent or whatever your name is, if you think anything that’s a cartoon means it’s targeted to children, I could show you some hentai porn that would deceive you and your family from here till next Tuesday!

(Patrick Duffy's diembodied laserbeam shooting floating head attacking a baby has nothing at all to do with this article)

The Parents Television Council are blaming the media when it should be blaming the unfit parents for using the TV as a babysitter. Why? Because it’s easier to blame it on one thing as opposed to the real answer; everything.

Don’t get me wrong though; The FOX network, as we all know, is owned and run by Satan himself, but blaming them for “deceiving” families is like blaming the crazy homeless man on the corner because he convinced you that the government is run by Polish zombies. We all know that most media is crap. Pope Brent, stop expecting it to be all flowers and bunnies and start looking at the parents. Oh, and get a haircut and a real job while you are at it!

Finally, CNN quoted FOX’s response to this announcement by the Jesus Council like this;

“A Fox spokesman said the network never comments on reports by the Parents Television Council.”

I would like to translate this response into the more honest non-politically correct response using a powerful computer with lots of lights on it and many switches and buttons as well… Okay, the actual response is ready. Here it is;

”We think that the Parents Television Council are a bunch of fucking idiots and we ignore everything they say about us. I like fudge!”

Okay. I made up the fudge part, but that’s pretty much what FOX and myself say about this Council of repressed idealist God cronies.

Jesus loves you…

Primary Colours are Hypnotic... or something.

2005-10-18T01:14:00.000-04:00

Pictures last weekend and the weekend before that I thought were just okay, until I developed them, scanned them and played with them in Photoshop. They quickly turned out to be what I think are some of the best photos I have taken in quite a while… I am revived!

Brick Wall:

Yeah, pretty simple photo but it's my favourate of all these. This is exactly what I saw when I took the shot. Took me a bit longer to get the settings right and took the shot, hoping for this exact result. No Photoshop work needed, just total straight photography... This photo is exactly why I love taking pictures; it's my imagination made permanent. Awesome.

Green Stairs:

Everyone that's seen this say that it's their favourate of the three. It's odd, becuase I almost didn't work on this one. I was going for simplicity in this and thought the result was too "busy", too much going on, too many angles and lines... I still like it, but still not sure why people like this one the best... I love the colours though, which is of course why I took it in the first place.

Blue Brick:

My personal favourate of all three. This took a lot of thought. I didn't change any colour settings (well, maybe a little), but the original shot was going to hopefully show an equally blue sky at the top with an equally green roof as well, showing this cool colour matchup. I spent a while on this one and eventually decided that the sky was not blue enough and the roof was not green enough to make it how I really wanted... Just my luck, when I removed the sky and roof and added a colour gradient border, it just worked perfectly as a real work of art... I love it when that happens.

Next weekend is the first mission for Urbex London. Ren and I (and hopefully more) will be walking around searching for the unknown beauty... We shall see what happens.

Urbex London Goes Gold

2005-10-13T14:34:00.000-04:00

The Suspense is Killing Me will be my word blog and personal photos. Urbex London is my new thing, an experiment in multi-author blogging. Dedicated to urban exploration photos in the London, Ontario and surrounding areas.

Hopefully I will get more than the two members I have already. One of those members is me, so I pretty much just have that one member... because the other member is me and I don't count as a member... but the other guy does... I am like the platoon leader and the one other guy is the entire platoon. Have I explained this properly? Do you understand? Good.

Cameraman Sways to Remember How the Eye Dances

2005-09-27T14:08:00.000-04:00

Haven’t updated in a while... Shut up.

Here’s some things:

Got a job at Teletech. It’s like Stream, but with less ass holes. Been there 2 weeks so far. I don’t write about work on here (or try not to) because it’s not my life; it’s what I do so I can have a life.

Once again, I am experiencing a burst of creative energy. I am currently brainstorming a lot of things right now:

1 - A new photoblog with multiple authors with the theme of urbex in the London Ontario area (don’t know what that means? I care not).

2 - My old chain journal idea (more on this soon hopefully).

3 - Finally decided to make a professional looking map of Overworld (old fantsy world I started creating in my head way back when I was twelve years old!)

4 - Trying to think how I can get all my brother’s together to go skydiving.

Yeah. New jobs usually cause this creative energy. It's nice to have a busy mind sometimes. If only I didn’t have the job so I could find the friggin’ time to do all this shit!

Anyway, that’s an update.

Prozac: Update

2005-09-07T22:43:00.000-04:00

I guess I have stopped taking Prozac. I forgot to take it yesterday and was sick all day today so I didn’t take it today either. It’s too damn expensive for a person that’s not working and I am running out and have no idea where I am going to get an extra 65 dollars this week.

I saw my doctor last week and basically told him the truth; that staying on 20mg was not working well enough and that I really wanted to take a higher dosage, maybe 40 or 50mg, but I couldn’t afford to do that without any kind of health plan. He was cool with that and wrote me a prescription for six months worth of Prozac, 20mg a day and told me to come back once I get a health plan.

This is the only reason why I am looking for a job right now. For the health plan.

I don’t want to be like this anymore.

This... Is CNN... reporting what you really want to see.

2005-09-03T22:54:00.000-04:00

Am I the only one that thinks Eric Clapton, John Mayer, Bill Cosby, Celine Dion and Harry Connick jr. showing up on cnn's popular show "Larry King Live" to support the hurricane Katrina support is a really, really stupid thing for a NEWS network to do? Seriously, it’s a damn news network!

Why would popular entertainers decide to take this moment of crisis to show up on a worldwide television station? I wonder...

John Mayer and Eric Clapton look really sad in this picture that I took from cnn's front page only minutes ago.

Their somber faces show that they are worried about the people in New Orleans while they are playing their songs on television. You can tell this because the television cameras captured it in the above photo so perfectly that cnn decided to put this photo up on their front page. It's an amazing photo, really it is.

But, wait a second! John Mayer and Eric Clapton both have new albums out, don’t they? Really?

I think I might go out and buy both their albums in support of what is happening now that I have seen this. That would make me feel like I am doing something to support the people. I think I am going to do it...

Being a consumer makes me feel good about myself sometimes!

Freedom!

Direct reports comming from livejournaler from downtown New Orleans

2005-09-01T20:23:00.000-04:00

If you are interested in knowing about what’s happening in New Orleans right now from someone who is not a paid drama queen for "The Media", read on.

I am a proud member of somethingawful and this site is hosted by a company out of New Orleans called Zipa, which is owned by a company called DirectNIC. I am mentioning and linking them here because they are really quite amazing. You will agree with me on this one after you are done reading this.

Some DirectNIC employees decided to stay and not evacuate so they could keep their diesel powered generator running so the sites they were hosting could stay up. Somethingawful and about a thousand other sites have been running on diesel fuel for the past 3 days. This makes DirectNIC a really great group of dudes and they are actually making the news since no one else is doing this kind of thing.

Anyway, on to the amazing bit: one of the employees, Michael Barnett, started an online journal about what is going on in downtown New Orleans, complete with webcam, photos and constantly updated journal entries about what he is seeing and experiencing. It's making the news as well because it's supposedly the only source for actual information from downtown. The link to his journal is here.

The news he is reporting is not good news at all. There's some pretty scary things going on. Here's some of his journal entries from today;

- "Dead bodies everywhere."

- "National Guard shoving water off the backs of trucks. They're just pushing it off without stopping, people don't even know it's there at first -- they drop it on the side in debris, there's no sign or distribution point -- people are scared to go near it at first, because the drop points are guarded by troops or federal agents with assault rifles who don't let people come near them, which scares people off. It is a mess. When people actually get to the water, they are in such a rush to get it that one family left their small child behind and forget about him until Sig carried him back to the family."

- "In case anyone in national security is reading this, get the word to President Bush that we need the military in here NOW. The Active Duty Armed Forces. Mr. President, we are losing this city. I don't care what you're hearing on the news. The city is being lost. It is the law of the jungle down here. The command and control structure here is barely functioning."

Cheers to DirectNIC for doing this and good luck surviving... whatever the hell is going on there. I am watching the webcast right now and it's of the street outside. You can see someone carrying stuff (looting?) about once every 2 minutes. Sometimes a car or two, but never police.

Also, this was posted anonymously: "Looks like hundreds of people consider you a hero. To me, you and your little company are racist self-righteous pricks playing survivalist fantasy games and hoarding critical supplies from a city in desperate need. What pisses me off even more is that you are doing this for an ISP, and act like it's more important to keep some company's server going than to have power for a hospital running short on everything." Whoever posted this comment on the livejournal can offically go fuck themselves.

edit: Wow, this livejournal is seriously everywhere right now! Here's also a page of streams and police scanner broadcasts. Click here. This is fucked up.

My Favourate Action Shot of Keanu Reeves

2005-08-27T21:41:00.000-04:00

What is that? Campbells Chunky Soup? Perhaps a home-made stew? Some kind of mysterious gravy and corn mixture? Only Keanu and the gutter know for sure.

I love this photograph of Keanu Reeves. It’s like he’s really using all of his amazing high quality acting skills at this point, giving his all to the role, making the viewer actually believe he his leaning out of a car and sadistically vomiting into the gutter... Truly, Keanu is an actor with no equal.

P.S.
Here’s some more hit notes:

- Someone found my story "The Perfect American Media Story" by Yahoo searching for "parking garage rape story". Nice. I hope they enjoyed it.

- Someone actually clicked on "Elderly Amputee Midget Scat Porn is Here" when searching on Yahoo for "amputee porn". I bet they were disappointed when they arrived here and I bet I was amused and glad that they were disappointed and I bet I will get more hits from this post for people looking for more "amputee porn" and I will be equally glad and amused when those idiots are equally disappointed... I could go on quoting dumb keywords like this forever, but I won't... Hay, Keanu Reeves!

Also, I have discovered that most people are finding me recently because of two reasons: the news stories I have blatantly ripped off from other sites and provided a link to in my posts (e.g. Hunter S. Thompson, Cameron Diaz, Katie Holmes) and keyword searches, such as; blow job, sex, scat, porn, pedophilia.

Don’t you just love/hate/adore/despise/fucking can’t stand/absolutely love the internet? Don’t you just?

By the way, if you are a big fan of Keanu Reeves and you would like to link to this picture of Keanu Reeves vomiting on your Keanu Reeves Geocities shrine of Keanu Reeves pictures, please use the following banner that I have created to link to this article about Keanu Reeves and Keanu Reeves and Keanu! Fucking Keanu!!!

Go somewhere else now.

The Wednesday Post Of No Point Whatsoever

2005-08-24T18:27:00.000-04:00

I am hungry.

Hunter S. Thompson: What a Wonderful Way to Go!

2005-08-22T20:03:00.000-04:00

Hunter S. Thompson's grand finale went off as planned: His ashes were blasted into the night sky in an explosion friends and fans agreed he would have loved. But some said the gonzo journalist would have sneered at the Hollywood trappings — champagne toasts by movie stars and former presidential candidates.

Filmmaker Nancy Cohen tried to organize a group of 100 fans outside the gates of Thompson's farm to crash the Saturday night party.

"That's what Hunter would have done," she said.

"This looks more like a fancy dress ball than a memorial for a counterculture icon," said Cohen, of New York, producer of "My Dinner With Abbie," a film about 1960s radical activist Abbie Hoffman.

Crashing the party would have been difficult with the dozens of black-clad security guards who lined the roads leading to the farm.

"It looks like the neighborhood has been invaded by the Viet Cong," friend and neighbor Mike Cleverly said of the guards.

"I am pretty sure it isn't how Hunter would have done it," said longtime friend George Stranahan.

The writer's ashes were fired from atop a 15-story tower modeled after Thompson's logo: a clenched fist, holding a peyote button, rising from the hilt of a dagger. It was built between his home and a tree-covered canyon wall.

The guests gathered in a pavilion next to the platform. Inside were blow up sex dolls and a mask of Thompson's arch enemy, late President Richard Nixon. With drums beating in the background, trays of champagne circulated before Thompson's remains flew.

Thompson shot himself in his kitchen Feb. 20, apparently despondent over his declining health.

The national and most local media were barred from the tribute to the groundbreaking writer who was credited, along with Tom Wolfe and Gay Talese, with helping pioneer New Journalism — he dubbed his version "gonzo journalism" — in which the writer was an essential component of the story.

His only son, Juan Thompson, said the hundreds of celebrities, including actors Johnny Depp and Bill Murray, musician Lyle Lovett and former Democratic presidential nominees George McGovern and Sen. John Kerry, wouldn't have felt comfortable with the press around.

Depp, who played Thompson in the 1998 film adaptation of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," paid for the $2.5 million extravaganza. Depp and Juan Thompson embraced as the ashes fell to the ground.

Juan Thompson told the Aspen Daily News that the ceremony not only fulfilled the vision his father outlined in a 1978 BBC video, but it "was bigger than he ever imagined."

Ralph Steadman, who illustrated many of Thompson's works, had a different take on the extravaganza.

"He'd probably say it wasn't quite big enough," said Steadman. "We want him back. (Saturday night) was a kind of pleading for him to come back. All is forgiven."

Link to original article

edit: Due to the SEVEN bullshit comments posted since this entry was added, I have added word verification for people that would like to comment on one of my posts. Fuck you, spammers! I don't want to buy insurance of fucking v1c0d1n or your 12 year old sister! Please die!

Catholicism: Now With Less Pedophilia!

2005-08-21T21:46:00.000-04:00

A la 'Matrix,' vocations recruitment poster shows priest as hero

By Chris Scaperlanda

This vocations poster was the brainchild of Father Jonathan Meyer, associate director of youth and young adult ministry for the Archdiocese of Indianapolis.

"Just as Keanu Reeves fought against the powers of evil, a priest comes to help people fight against sin. There is a battle out there," explained Father Jonathan Meyer, associate director of youth and young adult ministry for the Archdiocese of Indianapolis.

He made the comments in an interview with Catholic News Service about a new vocations recruitment poster being distributed by his archdiocese. The poster, which is modeled after an advertisement for the movie "The Matrix," is the brainchild of Father Meyer. It features a priest in full cassock - and the requisite Roman collar - holding a cross in one hand and a rosary in the other. And he is wearing sunglasses. That simple juxtaposition provides the mood Father Meyer said he was aiming for when creating the poster - he wanted to say something about today's seminarian. "Today's seminarian," he said, "is engaged with the world but is also committed to orthodoxy, like (Pope) John Paul II."

Father Meyer said the poster, on which he is featured as the "Matrix"-style priest, had its origins in a skit that he saw during his first year at the North American College, the U.S. seminary in Rome. The skit, put on by a group of older seminarians, was based on the film. In it, a group of priests fought Satan in a series of mock martial-arts confrontations. The concept was really brought to life, however, in a meeting with the archdiocese's Youth Council. During the meeting, the concept of Father Meyer dressing up as Neo, Reeves' character in "The Matrix," was jokingly suggested by one of the students. "It was one of those things where everyone laughs and then you move on to the next topic. Only after the meeting, I came back to this one," Father Meyer explained.

He then called Missy Scarlet, a friend and a graphic designer, who asked him to do a photo shoot. Within a week they had a working model of the poster.

After a few initial edits, the poster was given a trial run at Our Lady of the Greenwood, in Greenwood, where Father Meyer also serves as associate pastor.

Father Meyer said it got a huge response. "They were going like hotcakes. Young kids wanted them to hang in their bedrooms, high school students wanted them to hang in their lockers," he said. "That is invaluable. If we can get kids to hang a picture of a priest in their room, we've done something huge for vocations." The response, though, seems to make sense to him. It appeals to people at a level that everyone appears to share. "People love heroes. The poster personifies the priest as a hero," he said.

And it speaks of a faith that meets people exactly where they are in their lives. The poster itself says, in a parody of the words which any watcher of videos knows by heart, "This faith has not been modified from its original version. Yet, it is formatted to fit your life."

Distribution for the poster has been widespread. Father Meyer said that since distribution began in November, 1,800 posters have been distributed around the Indianapolis Archdiocese. An order of 100 was recently sent to California and 300 more were shipped to the Diocese of Madison, Wis.

Father Donald Calloway, a member of the Congregation of Marians of the Immaculate Conception, presents the poster as a part of the talk he gives nationwide called "No Turning Back."

And the poster was featured at a recent Indianapolis archdiocesan high school rally. At the rally, 500 posters were distributed during a "big tae kwon do number" performed to music from the movie, Father Meyer noted.

Link here to original article.

Okay. There's a few things I want to say about this article. First of all, what the fuck?

Second of all, seriously what the fuck!?

Third of all, I would like to repeat this quote from the priest, as it is really weird: "Father Meyer said the poster, on which he is featured as the "Matrix"-style priest, had its origins in a skit that he saw during his first year at the North American College, the U.S. seminary in Rome. The skit, put on by a group of older seminarians, was based on the film. In it, a group of priests fought Satan in a series of mock martial-arts confrontations." Okay, once again I must say "what the fuck?". Are priests normally doing this kind of thing in Rome, performing "skits" that involve sci-fi movies in dark basements possibly filled with sweaty pre-teen boys? I no longer doubt that odd reality now that I have read this article.

Fourth of all, this priest has a friend named "Missy Scarlet"? Whatever! If you are going to make up a fake person for your messed up religious agenda, at least come up with a name that dosen't sound like some disgusting porn actress! Something shady is going on here with this priest is what I say.

My Tank is Fight: a public apology to Zack Parsons

2005-08-21T19:59:00.000-04:00

For those of you who don’t know, I happen to live next door to a man named Zack Parsons, a noted comedy writer on the internet. Recently in my neighborhood there had been a number of incidents that involved Mr. Parsons’ dog using my yard to relieve himself, leaving me to clean it up. Well, I made the mistake of trying to retaliate in a very immature and foolish way. I attempted to go to the bathroom on Mr. Parson’s back porch and I was caught doing so by his girlfriend. I deeply regret doing this and at the strong requests/demands of Mr. Parsons, I have done the following;

- I have written this public apology here on my blog

- I have informed everyone on my e-mail list of this public apology

- I have posted links to this blog on the internet forums that I frequent. I believe Mr. Parsons has done this as well.

- I have provided free publicity for the book Mr. Parsons is currently in the process of writing, My Tank Is Fight (see below).

I have followed these demands to the best of my ability in hopes of stopping any more pain and suffering to come to myself and my loved ones.

--Apology--

Mr. Parsons, I am really, very, very, really badly sorry for attempting to shit on your porch.

I am so very sorry for any sorrow that I might have caused you or your dog or your lovely girlfriend. Okay? If there is anything that I can do for you to make your life just a little bit better, you just let me know. Don’t take that the wrong way though! It’s not that I think your life needs any kind of improvement of course because I personally think that you are totally awesome. I really don’t want you to think that I offered to make your life better because I wanted you to think that I think that I think that your life is not very good. I think that your life is perfect, the ideal of all lives in fact!

I am really sorry okay?

Mr. Parsons has also told me to promote a book he is writing and I will comply with this demand as well. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt. That’s all that matters for me.

Okay, so Zack Parsons is a writer and he’s a good one as well. I am not saying that to sound sarcastic at all. I really mean that. He has teamed up with Kensington Publishing and is writing a book about the odd inventions that were brainstormed during World War 2 and he’s currently calling this project “My Tank Is Fight”. It’s going to be a unique combo of interesting facts and amusing comments the likes of which has never been previously seen in book form.

There will be illustrations as well for you to look at in “My Tank Is Fight”; black and white ones by Mike Doscher and colour ones by Josh Hass, examples of which I have included in this formal apology.

Any more info that you want about “My Tank Is Fight” is located here. It's a fantastic idea for a book and looks to be quite intresting. You could use it as a stocking stuffer next Christmas if you wanted to! I would suggest that you sign up for the mailing list. If you do, you will gain access to a free chapter of the book to download before the book is released!

All your demands have now been met, Mr. Parsons. Now, give me back my daughter!

77 Water Street

2005-08-19T21:34:00.000-04:00

By clicking on this link, you will magically travel the vast internet and arrive at Tom Fletcher's photos of the unique architecture of New York City... Cool stuff.

After a bit of navigation on that site, we discover the seemingly normal looking building on 77 Water Street , New York City. Well, this boring 26 floor building has a World War One Sopwith Camel (complete with runway) on it’s roof that was placed there for artistic value by the owners in hopes of it becoming a conversation piece for employees looking out of the neighboring and taller skyscrapers nearby (which used to include the World Trade Center actually). The architect that designed the building was quoted saying "[The model sopwith camel plane was built] solely for the delight of denizens of neighboring skyscrapers.” There's more pics and lots of information about the plane here.

Is this the coolest thing in New York that nobody knows about, or am I crazy?... Very cool stuff.

Finally, we have a cool picture of the aforementioned WWI plane and runway taken from a space satellite. The image is labeled with a copyright "2005 Sanborn". I say this because I don’t want to get sued and also because I have never heard of Sanborn, but they seem very cool stuff as well.

I Think It's Alright and I Will Do What I Like

2005-08-17T21:24:00.000-04:00

Tony Bower

Elderly Amputee Midget Scat Porn is Here!

2005-08-15T22:16:00.000-04:00

(this title is merely here to see what kind of hit results I get from Yahoo. Hits from Yahoo is the real topic of this post. This post is not about old naked midgets with missing limbs smearing shit all over themselves. If you came here hoping for something like that, I am sorry to disappoint you and you are also a sick son of a bitch and get off my internet.)

Yahoo.com has "The Suspence is Killing Me" listed recently in some search results. This is a new thing and hasn’t happened before and it's quite cool. Here’s some stats (the link stats I am quoting will change very, very quickly and actually changed while I was writing this. I am quoting what I found at the time of this post.)

- Search for “Remeron blog” gets me the 69^th link. Who clicks on the 69^th link for any search? I never have.

- Search for “gibson+peter+roadsworth” gets me the 7^th link. This is cool. I worked on that post for a while and more people need to know about this guy.

- Search for "Kenny Irons" gets me the 7^th link. Dumb post, but I’ll take the 7^th link anyway.

- Search for “Prozac and vivid dreams” gets me the 6^th link. Cool.

- Search for “nasty stuff” gets me the 64^rd link. Who searches for “nasty stuff”!? And second of all, why the hell am I on that list? Third of all, why is 63 sites beating me to this title?

- Finally, Search for “greenday songlists” gets me the first unsponsered link! What the hell?

Thanks Yahoo for the hits! If you were a man and I were a woman, I would seriously consider allowing you to impregnate me with your man seed so we might produce the bastard child of Yahoo, which I would call Vincent. Why Vincent? What would you suggest; Yahoo II? That’s a stupid name. Why do we always have to argue?... I want a divorce!

(by the way, if you use Yahoo to actually search for "Elderly Amputee Midget Scat Porn", you get this site, which is pretty hardcore stuff, but sadly there is no old legless midgets shitting themselves on there. Damn Yahoo won't deliver on my need to see old midgets with no legs eating their own crap! Damn you, Yahoo. And you call yourself a search engine...)

Alexander Supertramp

2005-08-14T13:26:00.000-04:00

Years ago, I used to have this cool idea about how I would just leave and go off into some forest with a tent and some pots and pans and live that way for a while. Maybe a long while. Whenever I would drive up north and go through the rural areas before reaching the cottage, I would look at the huge patches of trees in the middle of some farmers crops and wonder how long those small forests had been empty and how cool it would be to just sit in the middle of all those trees in complete silence for a while.

I recently read “Into the Wild” by Jon Krakauer, the story of Chris McAndless going off into the empty space located in the center of Alaska to live with only a bag of rice and a rifle. It’s an incredible story! After reading this, I picked up an awesome book of Zen essays called "A Flower Does Not Talk" and it's filled with thoughts on "emptiness" and "silencing the mind" and "dying while remaining alive". It's amazing stuff. These two books have started me thinking again about my old daydreams of going off on my own somewhere to find quiet.

I’m actually getting to the point where I am scoping out places to do this little test of will.

The night would be a little frightening, wouldn’t it? Monsters don’t exist, but they totally would exist in the forest by myself at night.

Hot Teacher Boinks 13 Year Old, Goes to Jail For 9 Months

2005-08-12T15:17:00.000-04:00

MCMINNVILLE, Tenn. — A former elementary school teacher pleaded no contest to having sex with one of her students, a 13-year-old boy, and has been sentenced to nine months in jail.

Pamela Rogers Turner, 28, entered the plea Thursday, allowing her to avoid a trial on multiple charges of sexual battery and statutory rape.

Turner, who had taught physical education and coached girls basketball for two years at Centertown Elementary, had trouble speaking as she tried to enter her plea. She was accused of having sex with the boy at his home and at school between November and January.

"I can't even talk," she told Circuit Court Judge Bart Stanley.

After Turner is released from jail, she will be on supervised probation for the rest of an eight-year suspended sentence. The judge also ordered her to surrender her teaching certificate and said she would be registered as a child sex offender. The sentence prohibits her from profiting from the case and does not allow interviews.

District Attorney Dale Potter has said Turner lived at the boy's house "for a brief period of time when she was moving from residence to residence."

The mother of the teenager in the case previously described Turner as a family friend and said she hoped there would not be a trial. Potter said Thursday that was part of the reason for the plea agreement.

Turner was a college homecoming queen and basketball player who once appeared as a bikini-clad promoter for a professional wrestling match. Her husband, Chris Turner, filed for divorce in January, at the same time she was indicted.

FOXNews.com - Teacher Pleads No Contest in Sex Case

When I was 13... Oh, nevermind!

All the Garbage

2005-08-11T21:30:00.000-04:00

This is just a bit of a tech update on this blog is all this is, more for my own personal benifit than yours actually. Come to think of it, this whole damn thing is more for me than you... In fact, what are you doing here? I don't even know you. How dare you read my personal blog... Fucker.

- Added the "e-mail post" link after each post which is a cool feature that I should have had from the begining.

- Removed Sand's MySpace link because she deleted it. Oh well. I am glad she gave it a shot. Blogging is not for everybody.

- Changed frontpage postcount from 13 to 10 for no real reason. The frontpage was getting long.

- "Older Shit" archives changed finally to take up less space and look at bit better, which actually was the only thing I was intending to change when I turned my computer on tonight, but whatever.

Oh, and I threw up lastnight. My stomach was empty so there was some major heaving going on let me tell you. It was still a pretty bad experience, but at least I hadn't eaten corn chips and chugged orange juice and smoked a joint beforehand. Don't get me started on that memory! I am documenting this on the internet becuase that's what blogs are for, right?

Go to sleep.

The One Weakness of the Witch

2005-08-10T15:27:00.000-04:00

Finally finished writing the tale of when I was being stalked by a 300+ pound married Wicca welfare Mom.

It happened nearly 6 years ago and I remember telling the story many time to friends and eventually wrote it down about 2 years ago, but never liked the way it was.

I decided to stop trying to make it better and I rewrote it as true as possible to actual events and put it on my section of Winterwind Productions; Written Warning (which is coming along quite nicely).

Go read it here.

The Things We Did and Didn't Do

2005-08-09T20:08:00.000-04:00

All the things I knew I didn't know and didn't want to know that you told me just to tell me later that you'd told me so come flooding back to me now.

All the things you said you'd never say and you said anyway, the things we did and didn't do, the things we did and didn't do come flooding back to me now. (lyrics by Steven Merrit)

August Long Weekend

2005-08-04T21:28:00.000-04:00

I stunned myself last weekend by actually enjoying myself at the cottage with my family. I didn’t expect to have a good time and planned on not going for the whole time up until four days beforehand. My brother Phil decided to drive the two hours to London to pick me up and then drive two hours back for some reason. I figured Phil was going to chew me out about not having a job for the 2 hour ride to Brampton and figured he was coming to pick me up for the sole purpose of doing so. It didn’t happen though. We listened to music and ate Frank & Gus pizza and just chilled out together the whole ride.

At the cottage finally, I was as quiet as I normally am, but there were times when I made the well timed witty comment or the right answer. I made every brother of mine laugh at least once and they never teased me like they normally do. I also had good moments with the new members of the family; almost 1 year old Zack and nearly 2 year old Shayla (Shayla’s gonna be a really cute kid). The only shitty thing was that my mom was off doing other things the whole time and couldn’t see me having a good time. I really wanted her to see me have a good time, which is actually one of the main reasons I wanted to go. She worries about me way too much.

Spent a lot more time with Jay this weekend than I normally do. Phil and Tim have their new families to take care of, so there’s not much extra activity you can do with them, so it was Jay and I a few times doing stuff. I took the paddle boat out to the step bridge on the other side of the lake basically because I had never done it and Jay followed me back in the kayak, just chatting about things and bumping into me and stuff.

I am still quite happy about this realization that I am most comfortable when I make my own decisions. Last month I was invited to a party and instead of doing my standard thing and going with what Sandra was doing and just following her plans, I decided to ride my bike to the party. I was in control of when I came and went and it made me quite comfortable while I was at the party. The same thing happened last weekend. I had no real idea how I was going to get home. Phil wasn’t going to drive me back and Jay was on his motorcycle. Tim offered to take me back to Port Dover with him and hang out there for a few days and then take me into his job on Thursday (which would have been today actually) and put me on a truck back to London. I didn’t like the idea, but I appreciated the offer and said I would think about it. By the next day, I had decided to pay the forty bucks and take the train direct to London instead and everyone I told this to said “Oh. I thought you were going back with Tim.” Why would they think that? Because it was offered and it was free? Because it left the responsibility to someone other than me?

I took the train home and enjoyed it, even though there were the standard annoying delays.

My mom never saw me have the good time that I had had at the cottage and she still worries about me.

Wow, this entry got long… Anyway, that was my pretty fun weekend. It was good to get away.

David Lynch to promote meditation for world peace

2005-07-22T21:05:00.000-04:00

Film director David Lynch wants to raise $7 billion to bring about world peace through a massive transcendental meditation program.

Lynch, 59, known for the quirky, avant-garde works like "Mulholland Drive" and the "Twin Peaks" TV series, is launching a foundation dedicated to bringing the benefits of the stress-reducing technique to school students across America, and ultimately the world.

"I want to raise $7 billion dollars. People laugh at $7 billion but it would stay in a bank account and the interest would be enough to keep things going on a permanent basis," Lynch told Reuters in an interview on Wednesday.

"I would like to find some very wealthy individuals who saw the truth of this and said 'I want to do something for the world which is meaningful'. This is a way to bring real peace to earth. Real peace isn't just the absence of war. It is the absence of negativity," he said.

Lynch did not say why his program needs $7 billion rather than, say, $10 billion or $1 billion.

Lynch said he had been practicing transcendental meditation himself for more than 30 years and had seen the benefits in some schools in Maryland, Iowa and in Johannesburg, South Africa, where students have adopted it.

The David Lynch Foundation for Consciousness-based Education and World Peace aims to fund in-school transcendental meditation programs and support research on the effects of the technique on academic performance, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression and drug abuse.

"I am starting this foundation to ensure that every child in America who wants to meditate can learn.

"You can say I'm full of baloney, but you meet students who get this opportunity and they shine like you cannot believe," Lynch said.

Click to go to original Yahoo!/Reuters link

Kenny Irons

2005-07-21T21:30:00.000-04:00

I normally don’t browse college football websites basically because most people that are into football strongly enough to actually read about it on the internet are worthless losers and deserve to be shot and their corpses pissed upon, but someone interviewed Kenny Irons, a running back for the Auburn Tigers recently and I was rather amused at his nerdy responses.

The more amusing things my new favourate football player said during the interview is highlighted in bold for you viewing pleasure.

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Question: If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing that you would buy and why?

Answer: “I would buy a huge house. When you are young you idolize people and they have big, huge houses. They have these big houses with all these different rooms. They are so nice and lovely and they are somewhere that you can go and relax and you can have a big bed like Shaquille O’Neil. Shaquille O’Neal has a 30-foot bed. Who has a 30-foot bed in their house? Just imagine having something like that and relaxing and just saying I’m home. And you can have a lot of go-carts out in front of your house to ride in.”

Q: What is your most prized possession and something that you could not live without?

A: “Candy, I love candy. I love candy bars and snacks. If they didn’t make snacks and junk food then I would be lost. I wake up in the morning eating honey buns. (Strength and Conditioning) Coach Yoxall wants us to gain weight and I tell him that I eat good food and then he asks what I have been eating. I always tell him that I’ve had two Little Debbie snacks, some brownies, and some cookies. He always tells me that is not going to help me gain weight, but I love snacks. I would eat snacks over any kind of healthy food any day.”

Q: If you had to be stranded on a deserted island for one month, which one of your teammates would you want to bring with you and why?

A: “I would bring Tre Smith because he is the most unique person ever. He thinks of the most amazing things. If we were on a deserted island we would probably sit around and think about what he brought up yesterday. He said ‘What if a team was on the 50-yard line and they had to kick a field goal to win the game and you had somebody like Carl Stewart who has a 42-inch vertical? If the team kicks the ball and they are barely going to make it and it is just going to graze inside the goalpost and you have Carl jump up and block it before it gets there, would that be OK? And would they count that? What could they do? That is a really good question because there is no goaltending in football so they couldn’t do anything about it because Carl just jumps up and blocks it.’ Tre is just wild and he is exciting and good to be around so I would bring Tre Smith.”

Q: Out of all of your teammates, who would make the best politician?

A: “Will Herring would make the best politician because he is very smart. He is a smart guy and if you want to argue with him about something you have to have your facts. Arguing with him is like arguing with a lawyer. He has all the information online and he is ready and he can back up anything. So I think that Will would make a good politician. He should run for governor of Alabama or mayor of Auburn.”

Q: What is your favorite Auburn tradition and why?

A: “The rolling of Toomer’s corner because I had never experienced something so amazing in my life. When I came to Auburn I saw all of these people huddled around this tree and I was like, ‘What is this?’ You have all of these people and they have all of this toilet paper. They have soft toilet paper and every kind of toilet paper and they are all throwing it at a tree. I was like ‘Why are they throwing all of this toilet paper at a tree?,’ and they told me that they were rolling Toomer’s corner. I asked who is going to clean all of this mess up and they told me that the wind would blow it all away or the rain would wash it down. They said sometimes they have people come clean it up and I said that I wouldn’t want to have to clean up all of this toilet paper.”

Q: What is your best talent outside of football?

A: “Drawing. I like to draw, if you consider that a talent. I like to disguise myself as other people, too. I call that a talent. I like telling people that I am somebody else. I tell people that I play water polo and if they ask me what position I play I tell them right water. I don’t even know if that is a position but I tell them that I play right water.”

Q: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

A: “In ten years from now I see myself being on the beach just lounging. I just want to lounge around in a nice beach house and I will have a four-wheeler on the beach so I can drive around. I just want to be able to hang around and have fun. I also see my traveling around the world. I want to go to little islands that are just out there somewhere far and I would also like to go to Europe. I’ve never been to Europe or Paris. I want to go somewhere like Fiji or Tahiti.”

Link to original interview

Chatterbox

2005-07-19T18:42:00.000-04:00

Quiet time the last little while for me. I haven’t spoken with anyone in days. It’s unhealthy to seclude yourself from the world, I know, but I’ve felt a possible anxiety attack following me around and quiet time is the only thing that makes it go away. It's almost gone, thankfully.

Sorry for not talking to you if you wanted me to. Sorry for not returning your phone calls. In the mood I am in, I would be a terrible conversationalist.

It Did It

2005-07-16T17:43:00.000-04:00

Finally found this short film after looking for over a week. It's odd, but if you have any intrest in the effects of anti-depressants on the mind of a person, I suggest you check it out.

It Did It - a film by Peter Brinson

Check out his other stuff at his page. He's quite the freaky cool dude.

Holy Romona!

2005-07-10T21:32:00.000-04:00

Was searching for a short film I watched about three years ago called “It Did It” online tonight. Google couldn’t find it, which I was pretty surprised at.

With Google failing me, I ended up trying to retrace my steps back to those days of internet surfing and sifting through the sites I used to go to, in hopes of finding “It Did It” in the process.

I was unable to find “It Did It”, but I did find the first blog I ever did. I updated it I think twice in the span of four days and then realized that it really really sucked and forgot about it… It’s still live… After three years… What the fuck?!

The search for “It Did It” continues...

Roadsworth

2005-07-08T22:06:00.000-04:00

(barbed wire surrounding a cross walk)

Peter Gibson (a.k.a "Roadsworth") is a terrorist. Why? Because in Montreal, he changes the standard things you see on the roads into something intresting and new. This makes him a criminal and the city is pissed at him becuase his is drawing outside of the lines. How terrible of him?! How dare him?! The horror!

(leaves vining around a crosswalk. What a criminal!)

He's been charged with 85 counts of "mischief", which could either leave him in jail for a very long time or leave him holding a big bill for making the city "different without permission".

Click on the links for more info on this cool guy.

Adbusters link (includes pics of Roadsworth's big foot crosswalk and owl perch. Both are very cool and also "crimes".)

Zeke's Gallery link (includes links to send e-mail's to the mayor's office regarding this issue and lots of other links regarding Roadsworth)

(Nine candles at an intersecion! The man is the poster child for Al-Queda!)

More nice Zeke's Gallery links and info here

I post this because it's intresting, but also because it pisses me off to see this kind of shit happen in my homeland of Canada, a place where this should be not only tolerated but embraced as something new and a part of our image as being the greateat fucking country in the world!

Thanks Adbusters for letting me know about this. You rock. I promice you that my first born will be named "Ad". Middle name? Yeah, you guessed it; Busters!

What Do You Get For Pretending the Danger's Not Real?

2005-07-07T20:39:00.000-04:00

Burn, Canada And Spain, Burn!

2005-07-06T21:11:00.000-04:00

Mark Morford writes another awesome artice for SFgate.com. He updates bi-weekly and is really smart. I suggest you send him some flowers. Perhaps a fruit basket!

----------------------------------

"Oh, but it will be fun to watch Spain and Canada burn in hell. I mean, we're right next door to Canada. We have the best possible view.

"It will be fun to watch their societies crumble, their moral fiber rend and shred, their sense of justice and humanity wither and die in the white-hot sun of sin and impudence and blasphemy, Canada's no-longer-manly hockey teams spontaneously combust into a billion meaty bloody God-splattered bits, Spanish children drop their jambón sandwiches in terror and scream and shriek and turn into instant puddles of fiery confused goo.

"Why all the vicious carnage? Why the reign of terror? Simple, silly: Canada and Spain have done the unthinkable, the unconscionable. They have legalized gay marriage, everywhere, in their respective countries. Oh my God, they are so going to burn.

Link to full article here = Burn, Canada And Spain, Burn!

The Other Person

2005-07-05T15:38:00.000-04:00

Prozac: Day Twenty Two

2005-07-05T15:36:00.000-04:00

Feeling incredibly blank the last 2 days. I don’t know why. It’s like my motivation to do anything is suddenly gone again. My anxiety has returned about the money I owe and being without a job. I’ve done everything already and there’s no point in going out anymore and I just lie there and watch whatever comes on the television.

The heat and humidity is not helping either. It’s just another thing to complain about. I have a big “fuck you” in my thoughts whenever I see someone else or have to interact with anybody. Just give me what I want and leave me alone.

Last week, I saw a nice woman working at the library that I like to interact with. She’s always pleasant and makes me feel better, smiling at me and being pretty and stuff. Today, I just didn’t want to see or talk to anybody, even myself.

Usually, when I am in a good mood, I talk to myself. It’s like I am kind of practicing having conversations with someone else, so I can feel more comfortable when I actually do it. I haven’t done this in two days.

My mind is very very quiet… Also, I started 20mg today and I think it’s about damn time for this shit to show itself to me.

Saturday Crawl: Canada Day Edition

2005-07-02T23:25:00.000-04:00

Took the remaining 10 shots I had in my camera and wandered around the parts of downtown that I haden't wandered around before today. Checked out the Labatt's plant, Michel's On The Thames and the rather claustrophobic Ridout st. underpass.

Also went back to one of the alleyways beside Chaucer's, a place that ended up being one of my favourate shots and tried to focus more on the yellow bricks that made it so awesome. I could see the picture in my head when I was there again and tried stupidly to recreate the same magic. Not a chance in hell. Everything from that alley ended up being really badly lit.

Anyway, after 3 hours of walking and watching, the best shot was one of that last ones. Witness this shot of a train that barred my way home for 10 minutes. I had only 4 more shots to take and got bored while the train moved by ever so slowly by. Behind me in this shot is 3 cars full of people, staring at me and wondering what the hell I was doing... I am quite proud of the focus of the shot while I am on my knees in the middle of a busy road!

(click on the image for more clarity, as this Blogger pic is rather small and not as good looking as the original. I can't resize it on my blog due to Blogger not letting me do it, even though I said I wanted the thing "large". You call that thing large!? I didn't think so! In fact, I think Blogger might be just fucking with me for the sake of some odd experiment to be quite honest with you.)

Prozac: Day Seventeen

2005-07-01T10:15:00.000-04:00

I went to see the doctor on Monday for a quick visit and checkup on my state. Not much to tell him other than the side effects have begun; feeling bloated a lot, never really feeling hungry, nausea in the mornings. Thankfully no desires to commit murder.

I am starting to think that the good mood and the continuous good mood I have been in since day three (see previous entry here) was actually not because of the meds. Things are going well for me right now and I have felt “free” from all the things that used to stress me out and drive me down. Further, I am now in a state where I don’t have to rush things and get back to work as soon as possible, which leaves me able to do what needs to be done to find the right path. I think I haven’t felt this good in maybe five years. I think it’s the state of my world that’s doing this to me though, not Prozac. I am still very hopeful though and I start the standard dose of 20mg (instead of the current 10) this Tuesday.

Current Template

2005-06-26T22:42:00.000-04:00

Blogger just allowed native image hosting and multiple images per post as well! Cool!

The bad news is that the template I am using does not like this awesome service and hates people like me that want to edit the template to their own liking.

As a result, this blog will look different pretty soon.

Why am I posting this? More importantly, why are you reading this?

News: China says smoking is cool

2005-06-17T19:03:00.000-04:00

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Here's something you may not have known; not only is the Chinese government not giving a shit about human rights or people allowing to express their own unique opinion, but they also own 99% of the ciggarette companies in the country and advertise them as being "good for you" and wonderful things.

Link: In China, cigarettes are a kind of miracle drug

The good news about this is that a Canadian doctor dude is over there trying to tell them the truth. Hopefully he dosen't get put in jail for that.

Prozac: Day Three

2005-06-16T21:43:00.000-04:00

During the morning when I was just about to drift into consciousness but was still asleep, I began to have very vivid dreams. Not full dreams, but images and moments, like when you flip through the channels quickly. The last time this happened to me was probably 2 years ago. I love it when this happens. It’s always cool when your subconscious decides to step up and become the headliner for a ten minutes.

This time, I dreamed of a blue bus. I don’t remember dreaming of something that had a distinct colour before. It sounds cheesy to say that I dreamed in colour for the first time, but that is really what I think happened. It was a bus and it was very far away, but I could see it very clearly and it was this amazing blue colour. I can still see it.

I really felt different today. I felt good. Calm. With purpose. Clear. Actually it was such an odd and new feeling, I actually didn’t like it because it was confusing the hell out of me! This is not supposed to happen. Why do I feel good? I shouldn’t feel good, my life sucks. It takes weeks for anti-depressants to take effect. I’ve only been on this stuff for three days and it’s only 10 measly milligrams. I feel good. According to what I’ve read so far, shouldn’t I be plotting a bloodletting at this point? What the hell?

I went to the library and found a book called “Prozac – a Diary” written by Lauren Slater and I got home and started reading. 20 pages into it, it became a great book. One hour into it, I realized that I was lying on a couch in a basement reading a book. This was not good enough. I should go out. I should go to a park and read this while sitting under a big tree and drink bottled water and smoke. I should meet up with a friend afterwards and chill for a bit before going home for something to eat.

So, that’s what I did.

This shouldn’t be happening. It’s only been three fucking days… The suspense is killing me!

Prozac: Old History

2005-06-14T21:35:00.000-04:00

I have always been a person that seems always “down” or “sad” to everyone, even when I was very little. Four years ago, this depressive state surfaced for some reason and maybe it was worse than normal or maybe I was just sick and tired of going through these “cycles” of happy/unhappy times every month or so. I ended up being able to surprise myself by actually getting enough courage to go see my doctor and telling him about it. After a talk with my doctor about my state of mind and mood and other uncomfortable things you don’t talk about to someone you barely know, he prescribed me a thing called “Remeron”. They were little orange pills and they did nothing for me. Remeron sucked, as least for me.

I returned to the Doctor and let him know about my feelings about Remeron and how it’s effects were strangely similar to M&m’s and we moved on to the next attempt at hitting the bull’s-eye; Serzone. They were big orange pills and they did nothing as well, but I kept taking them for about six months. I can’t remember why I stopped taking it. I think I got tired of going to the clinic to have my blood tested every month, just in case. (Serzone, by the way, has since been taken off the market here in Canada due to it causing liver damage. Good thing I stopped taking it when I did, I guess.)

Now we go to current issues. This time my doctor and I are playing in the big leagues. Prozac is what’s on the menu for this attempt at the bull’s-eye and I have some really mixed feelings about this most famous of happy pills. I am excited about having the opportunity to test the most popular anti-depressant in the world on my mind, but I am also very skeptical and a little worried about what it might do to me.

According to stuff I have read in the past, some dude started taking Prozac and two days later he had killed his wife and himself. In another report that’s quite famous (sadly I have no links yet to this story. Hopefully later), a retired man and his wife moved to Hawaii and he was prescribed Prozac for stress and anxiety. 2 weeks later both him and his wife were dead. Murder/suicide action. There’s actually hundreds of documented cases of people taking Prozac that have begun having irrational “self destructive” thoughts. So, I am going to be careful and watch my mind very very closely.

News: I want to have sex with Katie Holmes in intresting ways

2005-06-13T21:40:00.000-04:00

This just in! Catholic hot chick with the brain of a dog converts to Scientology after recieving specific instructions from her boyfriend about how it can save her from paying so much when it comes to tax time. CNN reporting;

News link to CNN (this link is not working. Fuck you, Firefox extentions, and your cruel ways!)

Zenu would be so proud.

News: Boise schools owe grad a trip to Hawaii

2005-06-10T13:10:00.000-04:00

"The way Jerry Squires sees it, the Boise School District and others owe his stepdaughter a $2,300, three-day trip to Hawaii for two to pick out a lei valued at about $40.

Squires, his wife, Cheryl, and his stepdaughter, Trisha Walker, have filed a suit in 4th District Small Claims Court for $2,300 after school authorities blocked Walker from wearing a silk lei during her Borah High School graduation in May 2004."

Sounds reasonable, but how about this instead; shut the fuck up!

News link:The Idaho Statesman

Instamatic

2005-06-09T18:36:00.000-04:00

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I have no idea why these 4 pictures are amazingly funny, but they are. According to the tag on the photos, they are from the-op, which I have never heard of, but I still link here because I am cool like that.

News Link - Shot Pizza Man Finishes Deliveries

2005-06-07T20:31:00.000-04:00

Testing my new format with this hot "News Link" idea. How odd! A pizza delivery man gets shot in the fucking ass and keeps giving four more tasty and hot pizza pies to hungry college kids before going to the hospital! How odd!

This is being the news link:Shot Pizza Man Finishes Deliveries

Two Inch Computer Square Anyone?

2005-06-03T21:24:00.000-04:00

"T-Engine and NEC developed these computers and put the on display at Japan's TRONSHOW 2004. The dimensions of the tiny unit are 52mm(just over 2") by 52mm by 45mm, weight 165 grams(5.8oz). In the computer is used MIPS processor NEC VR5701 clocked at 400 MHz, 64 MB or 128 MB of memory. T-Cube also has slot for Compact Flash memory, two USB 1.1 ports, RS-232C, Ethernet adapter, audio input and output. Can display resolution up to 1280x1024. it uses it's own custom OS T-kernel based on T-Shell. Comes with internet browser, text editor, graphic editor, etc. The T-Cube goes on sale in March of 2004."

Looks like it's got no hard drive and uses only flash cards for storage. Not sure why it's only got USB 1.1 (power comsumption?). Anyway, it's brand new and totally blew me away at how amazingly small it is (the cords take up more room on your desk than this thing!):

Poor You

2005-05-30T21:12:00.000-04:00

Jay came over with food tonight. “extra” food, as he calls it, as if he would have no use for it in the future. He did the same thing to me last week with roast beef and a bike.

Tonight it was lasagna and a bike lock.

You think of me as incapable of taking care of myself and you are not the only one, but thanks for at least thinking of me Jay. Thanks again.

What would I do without your charity?

The Roads Don't Love You and They Don't Pretend to

2005-05-24T22:24:00.000-04:00

When you have just quit your job and you are intentionally living a 48 hour pointless existence in your room alone with your music and your darkness and it's raining outside, nothing is cooler than listening to every song that Stephin Merritt and his Magnetic Fields recorded.

Awesome seclusion action on this action packed Tuesday evening, sports fans!

69 Love Songs info

The Charm of the Highway Strip info

Go bite a donut...

I Am On a Packed Dance Floor

2005-05-24T02:45:00.000-04:00

Tonight, I remembered why I started this blog in the first place. I started this blog just after I was fired from my last job. Back then, I knew that what I was about to go through was going to be very hard and I was very depressed and I needed something creative to focus on. I wanted to document the shit I was going through and hopefully show the beginning and the end of this struggle online for people to watch develop. I thought up the name “The Suspense is Killing Me”, as if what you were about to read was going to be a story and everybody reading was waiting for the dramatic end. How exiting it was going to be! Then I got a job and I started posting boring observations and then some photos and this blog turned into pretty much like every other piece of shit thing you see online.

Things change. It comes and goes. Get used to it.

I – Money

A few months ago, my Canada and Ontario student loans ended their 5 year limit of interest relief. When you are on interest relief, you don’t have to make monthly payments, but interest is still added to the outstanding balance. I owe something like 24 thousand dollars to the government in student loans, Ontario being something like 4 grand and Canada being the big remainder.

Right now, my Canada loan has been sent to a collection agency and I await their first friendly phone call. Should be good times when that happens. The Ontario loan is in a holding pattern right now and I have to make payments of 15 dollars every month for 6 months. After the six months pass I figure that will go to a collection agency as well.

I’ve owed my dentist about 400 bucks for almost 2 years now. I’ve gotten it down to about 90 so far, but they are threatening to send me to a collection agency for the money.

Taxes were due last month. I didn’t even bother to do them because I know I will be owing money, most likely over 200.

Sandra took me to see Green Day a few weeks ago and it was an incredible concert that I will remember for the rest of my life as one of the best performances I have ever seen, but on the 40 minute walk home the only thing that I could think of was “That’s another 70 bucks I owe to somebody.”

3 weeks ago, I had a meeting with my bosses at work. They told me if I don’t make 4000 dollars for the company this month, I am fired. In my current situation, I know I am not in the right mindset to be confident enough on the phone to convince a complete stranger to buy something they have never heard of before. If I were them, I wouldn’t listen to me either… I will be out of a job before the next sun rises. I am afraid that if I go in tomorrow, I am going to have the anxiety attack that I think I am on the brink of.

II - The Unreal

I went to see Star Wars tonight and it was amazing. As I watched the movie, the real world went away and I thought of nothing but the story. What a great experience that was. When I came home, I checked my bank balance. 150 bucks. The real world came back and I felt helpless again.

One hour into writing this, I went out for a smoke and watched the spotlights from the hockey arena downtown light up the clouds. The Moon was almost full as well and there was a cool glow to all the clouds. I watched the spotlights make circles in the sky for 2 minutes and thought “Wow. That would make an amazing 4 second exposure shot if I could learn how to do it…”. The real world went away and all I thought of was the photo that I was seeing in my head.

I’ve been that way my whole life. I concentrate so much on things that are supposed to be secondary thoughts that the important things go away and don’t return in time to save me. It’s too hard and confusing to concentrate on money and people and life and being normal, why not just forget about all of that and “dream”? Man, I would make a great drug dealer!

III - Sand Dune

On Saturday, Sandra and I went out and did stuff. It was fun to get out and do stuff. She’s awesome, that Sandra is; always trying to help me and being there and all that. She wants and needs and deserves more than what I am able to give her, and yet she is still there, which is comforting to know.

I know that I need to get out more to get better, but when I am in a certain kind of mood, being around people that are happy and wanting to have a good time has the opposite effect on me and makes me feel a whole lot worse. I feel like shit for admitting it, but nothing can make me feel better when I am determined to feel like shit. Just leave me alone and remember that I would be nothing without you. That sounds like an oxy-moron, doesn’t it?

She’s professed her love to me. She was really worried I would freak out about that when she told me. Why would anyone get angry at being told that someone loves them? It’s a great thing to know. I wish I could be what she wants and hold her hand and send her flowers and tell her that I love her as well, but I am not strong or smart enough right now to be that. Having someone being in love with me is a confusing thing to me right now and I still don’t understand a lot about it so I don’t want to write about that right now.

IV – The Real

Ever wonder what’s in a person’s mind when they have an anxiety attack?

“The world is attacking me, making me do things that I don’t want to do. All I want to do is go home. I think I am having a heart attack. I hate being forced into things like this right out of nowhere. I can’t breathe. I am on a packed dance floor full of happy people and I am just standing there not dancing and everybody is looking at me. My chest feels numb. I can’t feel my mind. I don’t want any of this I just want to go home and I know I look as uncomfortable as I feel right now and everybody knows it I don’t want anyone to tell me what to do and the world is always doing that my head is full of bees and I can’t hear anything I can’t concentrate I can’t concentrate I have to get out of here I really have to get out of here.”

For good or ill, tomorrow is another day.

Being Fired in Six Business Days

2005-05-20T21:18:00.000-04:00

The Process

2005-05-02T20:43:00.000-04:00

Your karma, which is the deepest level of your mind, exists throughout your life, but it is only fully awakened and realized at the moment of death. As each of the following levels of consciousness end, the following level increases in capacity

The 8 Levels of the Mind:

1 – Mirage. The cessation of Earth.
Bones and skin fade, loosing its hardness. Your body becomes thinner with old age. The water elements increase in the body.

2 – Smoke. The cessation of Water.
Blood and other liquids in your body dry up. Your mouth dries up; your sinuses become dry, etc. The fire elements in your body increase.

3 – Fireflies. The cessation of Fire.
Heat in your body diminishes, either from feet upwards to the head, or from the head downwards. Wind elements in your body increase.

4 – Flame of a Candle. The cessation of Wind.
Movement, breathing, beating of the heart ends. Consciousness increases in the mind. At this point, you would be considered medically dead, but consciousness still exists within the mind.

5 – Vivid White Sky.
Your consciousness is total whiteness, also described as a clear sky filled with moonlight. Conceptual thought ends. A subtle state of subject and object remains.

6 – Vivid Red Sky.
Your consciousness turns into a very vivid red or orange vastness, like a clear sky filled with sunlight.

7 – Vivid Black Sky.
Your consciousness is total blackness. This is called “near-attainment”. At this point, you are aware, but eventually you loose this as you slip into even darker blackness.

8 – Clear Light.
You become fully aware, also called the fundamental innate mind of clear light. It is this state that is the most pure and powerful level of consciousness. Some people stay in this state for a few weeks, or just a few minutes. In Buddhism, this state of a clear light mind has been achieved by some monks for up to 17 days after death, without decomposition of the body.

(this was ripped directly from the Dali Lama's book: How to Practice. Thanks Dali, you rock)

Nowhere to run to

2005-04-24T20:49:00.000-04:00

Among Demons and Lazer Beams Showing Infinity With Every Turn

2005-04-17T18:32:00.000-04:00

Vistied Alma College in St. Thomas with Sand, Trevor and Amanda yesterday. It was risky, spooky and mildly illegal. Good times.

More pics from the road trip here

Like the Names of Candybars

2005-04-15T19:36:00.000-04:00

The Word Has Moved On

2005-04-14T22:20:00.000-04:00

Almost four months ago on Christmas Day, my Mom gave me the hardcover new release of "The Dark Tower" by Stephen King, the final seventh book of the most great mindfuck adventue of the 20th century and it was finally in my grasp!

I remember unwrapping that book shaped gift, knowing it was from my mom and therefore knowing perfectly well what it was before seeing it and thinking how shitty is was to have this story in front of me. That might sound weird but at the time, I was a poor, poor man without job and had not been able to afford the previous published book "Song of Susannah" and the mother of mine didn't know this... The book with all the answers was destined to have to wait almost four months on the top of my fridge, collecting dust and trying to be forgotten.

I have been following The Gunslinger in his journey to the Dark Tower for (let me think...) over 12 years now. It was torture getting the last book for Christmas, knowing that I had it, fresh off the presses and couldn't read it until I had Book 6 under my belt.

But now, I am completely in the grasp of "Song of Susannah" and I welcome it's familiar words like the memory of a first kiss.

Book 7 is next...

Burn

2005-04-12T19:15:00.000-04:00

It's hard to have blind compassion for every living thing sometimes.

My Brain Farted

2005-04-10T18:45:00.000-04:00

Last weekend I woke up at 9am feeling like shit and suddenly found myself walking to the bus stop with my camera. It wasn't the creativity that drove me out of the house though; it was the pulling desire for the sausage & egg McMuffin that got me out of bed on that day. Curse you, Ronald and your feindish ways!

It was rainy and cold out and taking pictures outdoors was not going to happen. I ended up checking out a science fair and took this shot of a lonely kid with the BIG answers about flies. I never asked him about what that answer was, as I believe the true answer about flies lies within ourselves and we all must find it on our own personal journey...

Every weekend so far for past 4 weeks and the following 2 weeks is filled with plans to go somewhere and take photos. The creative brain farts never lasts long, so I am doing everything I can to keep this particular fart active and smelling nicely.

Lunch Hour

2005-04-08T20:12:00.000-04:00

King Burger: Filling the home of the King of Burgers is the pungent contents spilled out from two school buses. They are migrant workers recently arrived from Mexico and each one of them, including the children are so hungry they could eat the asshole out of a dead horse. Each of them are also suffering from multiple personality disorder and speak constantly to themselves and to others at random.

The maître d' for this King Burger has a hard time understanding the Mexican migrant workers because they are from a land far, far away and also because they are from Mexico. At this moment, the King himself of this particular King Burger, being finally taken to the limit of sanity, cannot keep up with the amount of orders and cannot cook like the wind as he was trained to do and he collapses on the kitchen floor in a pool of his own used up ketchup packets. He is quickly replaced by "King Burger II" and after the inauguration ceremony the burgers continue to be made, but still at the pace of a fucking migrating starfish. Each order is expected to take one year, six months to complete and a decision is made to go somewhere else for lunch.

Pizza Empress: Two hundred high school kids have planned a coup on the Pizza Empress and will not stop until her reign of terror is overthrown. At this popular place of eating, no kind of food can be seen being eaten or even being made for that matter. Five girls, wearing everything Avril has ever been seen wearing or has ever mentioned before are sitting at a table talking about absolutely nothing as loud as possible. One of the girls is on a Social Studies project and has computerized negro baby under her arm. She is either being taught how much of a responsible person you need to be if you have unprotected sex, or how to neglect your child properly. Possibly both. She talks to her four so called friends about Avril and how dumb everything is and adds another layer of black shoe polish to her pathetically pasty white eyelids. Two weeks later, her Social Studies teacher, Mrs. Landers, gives her an award for taking care of the plastic negro baby for two whole weeks without killing it or neglecting it and is pronounced completely fit for motherhood. Everyone applauds.

The Empress herself is pretty freaked out at this point. It’s her seventeenth birthday and she’s been left alone to look after the pizza. She would be a pretty girl if it weren’t for the bad day she is obviously having. The day is not bad because of the coup, she is used to that and was fully prepared for it when she started working at this Pizza Empress that is next to a high school. The day is bad because there are old people there actually wanting food in a timely manner. She is young, unprepared for such a dramatic rush of equally young people rushing towards her and as a result, it’s the young people only that end up getting served in any form of accuracy. The older people, some of them even in their late twenties, are herded to a corner beside the cash register to stand and pray for some kind of eye contact with the Empress. No such contact occurs and the old people eventually run out of time and all need to return to work. One by one, they asked for their money back and ended up walking the walk of the denied back to their jobs.

After this one hour lunch break, I returned to my quiet relaxing job as a telemarketer.

(Changed some spelling in this after posting it. Thanks Sandra, you spelling bee champion you! She has won numerous local bees and is considering going on the pro bee tour some day soon... It's the weekend and I am silly.)

You have 20 seconds left... 10... 5...

2005-04-05T22:30:00.000-04:00

This is the most emotionally draining photograph I have ever seen in my life.

Punishments for the Se7en Deadly Sins.

2005-04-04T22:45:00.000-04:00

Pride: You'll be broken on the wheel.
Emotionally or physically? What wheel? Can I see this “wheel” before we begin? Where's my lawyer so he can see this wheel as well!?

Envy: You'll be put in freezing water.
Okay. How long will this Polar Bear Club last? I have heard it’s good for the skin in fact!

Gluttony: You'll be force-fed rats, toads, and snakes.
What's the side order?

Sloth: You'll be thrown into snake pits.
Will I win 10,000 dollars if I can find the key at the bottom of the pit in time?

Lust: You'll be smothered in fire and brimstone.
Smothered? Really? By who? How many of them will there be smothering me and what will they be wearing before they decide to gang-smother me in unison? Is Pam Anderson a part of this smother party? I love this idea already!

Anger: You'll be dismembered alive.
Whatever. If you punish my soul in Hell, that means I am dead. I caught you! HA! I can’t be dismembered “alive” in Hell because I died already! Now you must set me free because I caught you in a lie just like when you catch a leprechaun in the woods!

Greed: You'll be boiled alive in oil.
Alright. Fuck this religious lesson. Boiled alive in oil?! That's going way too far man. That's just way too far.

How dumb can a smart person get?

2005-04-02T18:42:00.000-05:00

I try very very hard not to hate people, as it's a useless emotion to dwell on and serves no purpose. You see, among other things, I hate Paris Hilton, reality TV, Rush Limbaugh, radical religious groups, gansta rap, cookies with rasins in them and every four years, I hate 90% of the American Olympic Team (the 10% not included is of course the female gymnastics team. I love them!). Therefore, I try not to talk or think about these things.

Also, I try very very hard not to give attention whores any kind of spotlight, as they don’t really care what is said about them, just that it’s being said.

With that being said, I have found a small list of some of the things Republican bitch queen Ann Coulter has said over the last few years and am posting them just for the sheer sake of letting everyone reading this know how utterly confused I am about how a person like this can be so powerful in American politics. I refuse to believe she actually agrees with everything that comes out of her mouth. No one can be that blind. Even an American.

Think about it. How much attention would this blog get if I started writing that I hated black people, supported torture as the only right form of punishment for kids, told everyone that the only proper place for a woman is on her knees in front of me and supported pedophilia as an art form? Ann Coulter is exactly the same as that; shocking and the opposite of normal human values. Ann (and Fox News for that matter) has found the tender spot in the media that hurts the most and is punching and punching like there’s no tomorrow. And the sad thing is the public are eating it up, not as what it is (very frightening polital views by the majority), but as another piece of “must see TV”! I can’t believe that part of it! “Hey! Pat O’Brian is on! I wonder what he’s going to say tonight!?” It’s not supposed to be shocking! Go watch Jerry Springer if you want that kind of entertainment, ass!

"God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours."---Hannity & Colmes, 6/20/01

"The backbone of the Democratic Party is a typical fat, implacable welfare recipient."---syndicated column 10/29/99

To a disabled Vietnam vet: "People like you caused us to lose that war."---MSNBC

On Princess Diana's death: "Her children knew she's sleeping with all these men. That just seems to me, it's the definition of 'not a good mother.' ... Is everyone just saying here that it's okay to ostentatiously have premarital sex in front of your children? I've never had bulimia! I've never had an affair! I've never had a divorce! So I don't think she's better than I am."---MSNBC 9/12/97

"I think there should be a poll tax for people to vote."---Hannity & Colmes, 8/17/99

"I think women should be armed but should not be allowed to vote."---Politically Incorrect, 2/26/01

"If you don't hate Clinton and the people who labored to keep him in office, you don't love your country."---George, 7/99

"I have to say I'm all for public flogging. One type of criminal that a public humiliation might work particularly well with are the juvenile delinquents, a lot of whom consider it a badge of honor to be sent to juvenile detention. And it might not be such a cool thing in the 'hood to be flogged publicly."---MSNBC 3/22/97

"Originally, I was the only female with long blonde hair. Now, they all have long blonde hair!"---CapitolHillBlue.com 6/6/00

"Anorexics never have boyfriends. ... That's one way to know you don't have anorexia, if you have a boyfriend."---Politically Incorrect 7/21/97

Cliffhanger for Jesus 2: Judgment Day

2005-04-01T20:30:00.000-05:00

How awesome would it be to be a radical Christian fundamentalist in times like these? Totally awesome is the only answer.

Terry died yesterday, and now the Pope, the Pope himself is hanging on by a thread, surrounded by bishops and Jedi. I am told by CNN (the website of doom) that he’s about to “meet the embrace of the Holy Father”, which sounds pretty cool actually. After he finally dies, there’s the mourning, the funeral, the new pope selection process, more mourning, even more mourning and of course the concluding clown parade down the streets of Vatican City. From what I know of Catholicism, this should be an interesting few days, full of gaudy ceremonies and lots of dudes in robes with incense.

Anyway, before I go out to drink beer in honor of the Pope and also my friends birthday, I would like to post 2 pictures of Anna Kournikova and her husband Enrique Englasieas that the Pope himself took from nearly ¼ mile away with his new Canon EF 300mm f/3.5-5.6L lens (kick ass lens).

Thanks Pope! You’re awesome Pope! I drink this night in memory of whatever it was that you did while you were alive. Have a good afterlife and stuff!

Cliffhanger for Jesus

2005-03-29T23:10:00.000-05:00

Terri Schiavo is braindead and is going to die very soon... Two weeks ago, no one knew who the hell Terri Schiavo was, and now millions suddenly give a shit. Why? Seriously, why do you care? Is it just entertainment for you? An excuse to show your religious beliefs to the cameras? To get high ratings?

Personally, I don't care in the least for that woman, or her parents or husband. Why should I? I never knew her. In fact, I don't know anyone in the whole state of Florida. I am told Terri was a nice person and loved life... Bull! When was the last time you ever heard a bad thing about a person that was about to die? Never, that's when.

Why is George Bush involved in this? Why is Fox News devoting hours and hours to this very personal story? Christians are flocking to street corners, finding a new meaning in life and a new lesson in life to teach us all. Jay Leno is treating this story like a comedy goldmine. Everyone is talking about Terri. It's like she's the New Coke or something! Why hasen't anyone made a reality show about this yet, seriously?

What happens between a man's wife, a parent's daughter and a brain damaged woman in a hospital is really none of my business and should really be none of your business either. Why are you watching this stuff?

Samsara

2005-03-27T22:50:00.000-05:00

My sister in law told me a story yesterday about her baby daughter, my niece Shayla (cutest kid ever).

My Mom, sis-in-law and Shayla (cutest kid ever) were all at a mall together and Shayla was acting like a typical child of that age; she has suddenly discovered her legs and how they can be actually used for going places, often times at dangerous speeds.

Anyway, Shayla, who is normally very shy to strangers and even to familiar people she has not seen for a long time, suddenly broke loose and ran into a clothing store and straight into the arms of a Hindu woman (e.g. a woman from India). She hugged her and was in her arms in a matter of seconds. My sis-in-law was stunned at this reaction, but thought nothing of it and she gathered up Shayla, apologized to the woman and moved on.

I found this story fascinating and ended up asked a lot of questions about it to my sis. I’ve never seen this first hand of course, but I’ve read similar stories before in Buddhist texts and histories of the Dali Lamas. Each Dali Lama was sought out by searching for young boys who had an uncanny understanding of the previous Lama and his possessions and companions. You know what I am saying; reincarnation and past lives and shit like that.

This is the first story I’ve heard first hand that dwells so closely to that belief. Not saying anything… Just saying it’s kind of cool to think about and also Shayla is the cutest kid ever.

Wake Up

2005-03-25T15:15:00.000-05:00

The Boogeyman never existed in the first place.

The Thin White Duke

2005-03-23T19:27:00.000-05:00

I used to call him the thin white duke, or "The Duke" for short.

- The bookmark he used when he was reading at work was a photo strip of 4 photos of himself, the kind you get from the booths you see at the mall. Each photo in the strip was exactly the same shot, just him staring blindly at the camera.

- He always had a need to have absolutely everything in his life planned out; his work time, the amount of sleep needed, when to have lunch. He would spend hours every weekend at work making this complex timetable of events for the following week. He even had a thing on his schedule that was titled "poop time", which was when he did nothing at all.

- I called him from work one night on Halloween, bored out of my mind with no customers coming in and the store completely dead. He asked if I had any candy to give kids dressed up and I said of course I did. He hung up the phone and, 5 minutes later he showed up at the store wearing a garbage bag with a disposable ashtray stapled to it and said "Hey! Can you guess what I am dressed up as? Im dressed up as the mysterious monster from the X-Files! I am wearing a garbage bag with a disposable ashtray stapled to it! Why would a person do such a thing? Isnt that mysterious?!"

- We were hanging out one night after my job was done and he told me that he had found an old paycheck that he hadn't cashed from almost a year earlier in his room. I asked him why he hadn't cashed it and he tried to explain to me that he likes to deny himself the money from his job sometimes because it makes him feel like he is providing a service to people as opposed to just working for the money. He eventually started volunteering at a homeless shelter instead of not cashing the checks, which was the more logical thing to do. He always used to talk about leaving the modern world and going off to Africa to build bridges and homes, doing things that actually help people, things that "make you realize you have actually done something right and good at the end of the day."

You were one fucked up dude, but quite the teacher. I haven't talked to you or seen you in seven years, but I still keep in mind your lessons.

Thanks Kent... Hope all is well with you.

Thoughts Like A Lottery Ticket

2005-03-22T23:11:00.000-05:00

Clicking on tombstone sidewalks
with black slidy shoes
A sacrifice of traction
for the sake of quality visions

Going to the mysterious unknown
proud and strong
like kamikaze to the hull

We salute you all, you know
We thank you for your sacrifices
and your indifference to our cause

Keep on keeping on
you shining gods among mortals
We love your perfect creases

We will forget you
Your life will mean nothing
But deep down, we thank you

Now go, into the scarring fire
and enjoy your double café latte, Sir.

Thanks "Clarice"

2005-03-21T21:33:00.000-05:00

I had to call my brother up to find out what the name of that girl reindeer was. What a cocktease that bitch was.

The Great Vehicle

2005-03-19T15:10:00.000-05:00

“The deep, hollow ache of the heart arises from a life in search of meaning. But it’s by our very desire to find meaning that we create meaninglessness.”

The Perfect American Media Story

2005-03-16T21:27:00.000-05:00

.
.
Character One: Brian: the Black Man (soldier)
When Brian was a kid, he went to a Catholic high school. He studied the bible and played basketball and then went to university. After dropping out of school, Brian started work as a computer tech for UPS. Brian’s mom used to work for the IRS, but now lives in

Tanzania

and helps that government create a proper tax system. Brian also had a girlfriend. Her and Brian had been together for 8 years. Then, Brian was unfaithful and got another woman pregnant. Brian said he wanted to stay with her, but the girlfriend was upset and tension grew between them. Brian then went crazy and supposedly held his girlfriend prisoner and beat her and raped her over a period of a few days. Brian was then arrested for rape. The court case went to trial and the jury was hung. They could not decide guilty or innocent.

Character Two: Ashley: the Single Mother (Christian)
Ashley (soon to be known as the prefect poster child for Christianity) gave birth to a daughter 5 years ago. Four years ago, Ashley’s husband was stabbed to death and he died in Ashley’s arms before the police arrived. She’s now a single mother in a suburb of Atlanta and loves her daughter so very, very much.

Character Three: The Media

Character Four: The Consumer

Act I:
One week after Brian’s mistrial (which was last Friday morning), Brian was being retried for the rape case. When Cynthia (a security guard) removed Brian’s handcuffs, he decided to go a bit crazy once again and he attacked Cynthia, cracking her skull. Brian took her gun and left her to die.

Then, instead of running, Brian instead ran into the courtroom. He took a guard hostage, tore out all the phone lines, and eventually stepped up onto the judges’ bench and shot and killed Rowland and his friend Julie and then ran out of the room, down 8 floors and outside, where he also shot and killed Hoyt as well.

Brian then hijacked a car and drove it 3 blocks into a parking garage, where he switched and stole another car. 8 blocks of driving later, Brian was in yet another parking garage, where he met up with Don, who was (of all people) a newspaper reporter from The Media. He took Don’s car and drove off to a THIRD parking garage. There, he laid low for about 30 minutes. He put on some of Don’s clothes that were in his car and walked to the subway and took a train 8 miles away to Buckhead.

At this point, the police focus all of their efforts into telling The Media everything they can about Brian and that he may be driving Don’s car. Meanwhile, Brian is in Buckhead after ditching Don’s car. Eventually, Brian ends up at David’s house, who is (of all people) a federal agent of the U.S. government. He kills David and takes his gun, his badge and his car. The police at this time discover that Don’s car is parked in a parking garage and not being driven by Brian. No one has any idea where Brian is for the next 16 hours.

--Intermission--

This 16 hour pause in events gives The Media the perfect time to gather better, more credible sources about what actually happened that day, which eventually creates a story full of pure entertainment value. The next day, The Consumer’s are as ready for Act II to begin as much as they were ready for the next season of Survivor. And so it begins…

Act II:
Late Friday night at about 2 in the morning, in a place called Duluth, Ashley came home from buying a pack of smokes and Brian pulled a gun on her and forced his way into her apartment and tied her up. During the night, Ashley and Brian talked about things. She talked about the daughter that she loved, about hope, and God and eventually, Brian untied her. Ashley stared reading a book; “The Purpose Driven Life”, written by Rick Warren (Rick is going to be a very, very rich man because of this) and read lines to him about what the purpose of l7ife is and the talents each person is given by God. Brian then explained to her that God had led him to her to make him understand that he had hurt people. Ashley asked why he had done what he had done. Brian said he did it because he was a soldier and that was his purpose in life. Ashley then tried to make Brian understand that, if he was a soldier he should turn himself in before more people are killed.

That morning, Brian got into his stolen car and Ashley followed him in her own car. During this whole time, Ashley had her cel phone on her, but never called for help because she was a Christian and was afraid that Brian would get hurt of killed and she didn’t want that. After Brian had gotten rid of the car, he got into Ashley’s and they drove back to her place. She then made him pancakes and they both watched the tv coverage of the manhunt for Brian.

Later that day, David’s dead body is discovered in his home and police notice that his car is missing as well. The police put out an alert to The Media to be on the lookout for Brian and that he may be driving David’s car.

Back at Ashley’s house, Brian lets her leave so she can see her daughter. Finally, Ashley calls 911 and lets the police know that Brian is in her apartment. The police come quickly and Brian gives up quietly, waving a white t-shirt in an act of surrender.

Epilogue:
The story is over. Brian is no longer a threat. But where Brian stops, The Media begins. A change happens in this drama: This is not about the murderer Brian anymore. Not because he’s boring, but because The Media have no access to him anymore. He will be forgotten in a matter of minutes after The Consumer’s get a load of Ashley and her amazing story about the murdering black man and how the word of God saved her life.

Now (Wednesday), with the story completely over, The Media continues as relentlessly as ever to gather more and more information about this story. Literally hundreds of pieces of completely useless information now bounce around the airwaves like grasshoppers: “his mother lives in Tanzania”, “he was a very nice man.”, “I am shocked he could do something like this.”, “he was a big fan of the Boston Red Sox.”, “Her daughter loves ice cream.”, “He’s got a mole on his right thigh. I repeat, a mole on his thigh! Story at 11!”.

But, The Media also has Ashley herself to talk about the event. She’s made of pure gold and ready to go, she is indeed. Ashley quickly began a tour of interviews that began roughly 7 hours after she left her apartment to call 911. Everything she says from now on has become the ownership of her lawyers which will take care of her decisions from now on for only 40% of the profits.

I wonder if Ashley is missing her 5 year old daughter when in New York talking to Good Morning America about herself as much as she was missing her when she was talking to Brian about the value of a human life? I wonder what she would say to that question?

An honest answer to that question might actually make me listen to The Media.

(story and facts were all based on this, this and this article and their links from the beloved cnn.com website of doom.)

Write Everything. They Don't Matter.

2005-03-14T22:40:00.000-05:00

Zack Parsons and Richard Kyanka from SA are the reasons why I started writing.

Looking in my Written Warning folder right now, I see that I have 32 articles I am working on right now and 17 posted already, but the creation process is so slow for me when I know I have something good. My last good bit was over a month long process of writing, reading, overwriting, avoiding, reading again, rewriting, avoiding again, etc. The idea for it was in my head almost a year before I got to actually writing it as well. I am a lazy perfectionist I guess.

After reading Zacks update at work today I decided I was going to write about my ex-girlfriends in some kind of odd/funny way, just because I felt the need again to write and have been thinking about them three in the last few days... With a bit of brainstorming and notes I came up with some intresting ways to write it, but, no matter how I tried to make the story funny ("you shall be visited by three ghosts this night, Scrooge! 3 ex-girlfriends!"), I still couldnt get away from the fact that I am dwelling on girls that no longer exist to me, which is emo bullshit and nothing is as annoying as a person on the internet talking about how their lives are so fucked up because of how sad their lives are. It's tough to make that kind of crap funny, so I trashed the idea. But, the article was added to the folder with the rest of the shit and it still might resurface again later when I find the right setting for it. Who knows.

Anyway, thanks for the inspiration Zack! I am sending you $40.00 so you can buy a wheel of cheese and eat the whole thing in one sitting. I want pics of you with the cheese wheel wearing nothing but a pink Speedo of course. Thanks.

You Must Be Joking

2005-03-10T21:21:00.000-05:00

Hit counter is up (finally).