The Perfect American Media Story

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Character One: Brian: the Black Man (soldier)
When Brian was a kid, he went to a Catholic high school. He studied the bible and played basketball and then went to university. After dropping out of school, Brian started work as a computer tech for UPS. Brian’s mom used to work for the IRS, but now lives in Tanzania and helps that government create a proper tax system. Brian also had a girlfriend. Her and Brian had been together for 8 years. Then, Brian was unfaithful and got another woman pregnant. Brian said he wanted to stay with her, but the girlfriend was upset and tension grew between them. Brian then went crazy and supposedly held his girlfriend prisoner and beat her and raped her over a period of a few days. Brian was then arrested for rape. The court case went to trial and the jury was hung. They could not decide guilty or innocent.

Character Two: Ashley: the Single Mother (Christian)
Ashley (soon to be known as the prefect poster child for Christianity) gave birth to a daughter 5 years ago. Four years ago, Ashley’s husband was stabbed to death and he died in Ashley’s arms before the police arrived. She’s now a single mother in a suburb of Atlanta and loves her daughter so very, very much.

Character Three: The Media

Character Four: The Consumer

Act I:
One week after Brian’s mistrial (which was last Friday morning), Brian was being retried for the rape case. When Cynthia (a security guard) removed Brian’s handcuffs, he decided to go a bit crazy once again and he attacked Cynthia, cracking her skull. Brian took her gun and left her to die.

Then, instead of running, Brian instead ran into the courtroom. He took a guard hostage, tore out all the phone lines, and eventually stepped up onto the judges’ bench and shot and killed Rowland and his friend Julie and then ran out of the room, down 8 floors and outside, where he also shot and killed Hoyt as well.

Brian then hijacked a car and drove it 3 blocks into a parking garage, where he switched and stole another car. 8 blocks of driving later, Brian was in yet another parking garage, where he met up with Don, who was (of all people) a newspaper reporter from The Media. He took Don’s car and drove off to a THIRD parking garage. There, he laid low for about 30 minutes. He put on some of Don’s clothes that were in his car and walked to the subway and took a train 8 miles away to Buckhead.

At this point, the police focus all of their efforts into telling The Media everything they can about Brian and that he may be driving Don’s car. Meanwhile, Brian is in Buckhead after ditching Don’s car. Eventually, Brian ends up at David’s house, who is (of all people) a federal agent of the U.S. government. He kills David and takes his gun, his badge and his car. The police at this time discover that Don’s car is parked in a parking garage and not being driven by Brian. No one has any idea where Brian is for the next 16 hours.

--Intermission--

This 16 hour pause in events gives The Media the perfect time to gather better, more credible sources about what actually happened that day, which eventually creates a story full of pure entertainment value. The next day, The Consumer’s are as ready for Act II to begin as much as they were ready for the next season of Survivor. And so it begins…

Act II:
Late Friday night at about 2 in the morning, in a place called Duluth, Ashley came home from buying a pack of smokes and Brian pulled a gun on her and forced his way into her apartment and tied her up. During the night, Ashley and Brian talked about things. She talked about the daughter that she loved, about hope, and God and eventually, Brian untied her. Ashley stared reading a book; “The Purpose Driven Life”, written by Rick Warren (Rick is going to be a very, very rich man because of this) and read lines to him about what the purpose of l7ife is and the talents each person is given by God. Brian then explained to her that God had led him to her to make him understand that he had hurt people. Ashley asked why he had done what he had done. Brian said he did it because he was a soldier and that was his purpose in life. Ashley then tried to make Brian understand that, if he was a soldier he should turn himself in before more people are killed.

That morning, Brian got into his stolen car and Ashley followed him in her own car. During this whole time, Ashley had her cel phone on her, but never called for help because she was a Christian and was afraid that Brian would get hurt of killed and she didn’t want that. After Brian had gotten rid of the car, he got into Ashley’s and they drove back to her place. She then made him pancakes and they both watched the tv coverage of the manhunt for Brian.

Later that day, David’s dead body is discovered in his home and police notice that his car is missing as well. The police put out an alert to The Media to be on the lookout for Brian and that he may be driving David’s car.

Back at Ashley’s house, Brian lets her leave so she can see her daughter. Finally, Ashley calls 911 and lets the police know that Brian is in her apartment. The police come quickly and Brian gives up quietly, waving a white t-shirt in an act of surrender.

Epilogue:
The story is over. Brian is no longer a threat. But where Brian stops, The Media begins. A change happens in this drama: This is not about the murderer Brian anymore. Not because he’s boring, but because The Media have no access to him anymore. He will be forgotten in a matter of minutes after The Consumer’s get a load of Ashley and her amazing story about the murdering black man and how the word of God saved her life.

Now (Wednesday), with the story completely over, The Media continues as relentlessly as ever to gather more and more information about this story. Literally hundreds of pieces of completely useless information now bounce around the airwaves like grasshoppers: “his mother lives in Tanzania”, “he was a very nice man.”, “I am shocked he could do something like this.”, “he was a big fan of the Boston Red Sox.”, “Her daughter loves ice cream.”, “He’s got a mole on his right thigh. I repeat, a mole on his thigh! Story at 11!”.

But, The Media also has Ashley herself to talk about the event. She’s made of pure gold and ready to go, she is indeed. Ashley quickly began a tour of interviews that began roughly 7 hours after she left her apartment to call 911. Everything she says from now on has become the ownership of her lawyers which will take care of her decisions from now on for only 40% of the profits.

I wonder if Ashley is missing her 5 year old daughter when in New York talking to Good Morning America about herself as much as she was missing her when she was talking to Brian about the value of a human life? I wonder what she would say to that question?

An honest answer to that question might actually make me listen to The Media.

(story and facts were all based on this, this and this article and their links from the beloved cnn.com website of doom.)