My Tank is Fight: a public apology to Zack Parsons

For those of you who don’t know, I happen to live next door to a man named Zack Parsons, a noted comedy writer on the internet. Recently in my neighborhood there had been a number of incidents that involved Mr. Parsons’ dog using my yard to relieve himself, leaving me to clean it up. Well, I made the mistake of trying to retaliate in a very immature and foolish way. I attempted to go to the bathroom on Mr. Parson’s back porch and I was caught doing so by his girlfriend. I deeply regret doing this and at the strong requests/demands of Mr. Parsons, I have done the following;

- I have written this public apology here on my blog

- I have informed everyone on my e-mail list of this public apology

- I have posted links to this blog on the internet forums that I frequent. I believe Mr. Parsons has done this as well.

- I have provided free publicity for the book Mr. Parsons is currently in the process of writing, My Tank Is Fight (see below).

I have followed these demands to the best of my ability in hopes of stopping any more pain and suffering to come to myself and my loved ones.

--Apology--

Mr. Parsons, I am really, very, very, really badly sorry for attempting to shit on your porch.

I am so very sorry for any sorrow that I might have caused you or your dog or your lovely girlfriend. Okay? If there is anything that I can do for you to make your life just a little bit better, you just let me know. Don’t take that the wrong way though! It’s not that I think your life needs any kind of improvement of course because I personally think that you are totally awesome. I really don’t want you to think that I offered to make your life better because I wanted you to think that I think that I think that your life is not very good. I think that your life is perfect, the ideal of all lives in fact!

I am really sorry okay?

Mr. Parsons has also told me to promote a book he is writing and I will comply with this demand as well. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt. That’s all that matters for me.

Okay, so Zack Parsons is a writer and he’s a good one as well. I am not saying that to sound sarcastic at all. I really mean that. He has teamed up with Kensington Publishing and is writing a book about the odd inventions that were brainstormed during World War 2 and he’s currently calling this project “My Tank Is Fight”. It’s going to be a unique combo of interesting facts and amusing comments the likes of which has never been previously seen in book form.

There will be illustrations as well for you to look at in “My Tank Is Fight”; black and white ones by Mike Doscher and colour ones by Josh Hass, examples of which I have included in this formal apology.

Any more info that you want about “My Tank Is Fight” is located here. It's a fantastic idea for a book and looks to be quite intresting. You could use it as a stocking stuffer next Christmas if you wanted to! I would suggest that you sign up for the mailing list. If you do, you will gain access to a free chapter of the book to download before the book is released!

All your demands have now been met, Mr. Parsons. Now, give me back my daughter!